Clary and Jace - an Epilogue
by Anna.Green
Summary: This short story is based solely on Shadowhunters the show-specifically the Finale. What happens after Clary remembers Jace in the alley? Will she ever get her memories back? Clary's journey back to the shadow-world and the story of how she returned to the life she had once lived and loved
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! I hope everyone is doing well! This particular short story is based solely on the Shadowhunters S**how. ** I, like many Clace fans, have very mixed feelings about the finale. Even though I was pretty certain that Clary's memories would be erased, watching it was definitely one of the most painful things I have ever watched before. I was extremely disappointed by the lack of a happy ending and a finale that I felt both Clary and Jace didn't deserve. But, the more I have watched it and the more time I've had to process it- I have begin to understand why they did it more and more. Additionally, even though the show came to an end, Clace- more than anyone- really have a new beginning. So, even though we won't be able to watch their journey from here on out, I figured that I can share with ya'll my version of what might have happened. **

**This specific chapter I do not advance in the storyline, I only give background to the last year and share the feelings I imagined both Clary and Jace might have felt at this point. Also, I apologize. It is not my greatest piece but first chapters are always the hardest. **

**Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think! **

**P.S If you have any ideas, be sure to tell me in the reviews!**

**P.P.S To all my _A life we could have had_ readers, I apologize for not writing in a while, and i plan to publish chapter 6 (?) as soon as I can.**

* * *

Jace walked quickly down the bustling street, squeezing his way through the bundled groups of people calmly enjoying the cool fall breeze. He was already 45 minutes late to the show and irritation twigged in his gut. Simon was keeping an eye on him. They all were, but most were too timid to speak up.

He knew Simon was right- he couldn't spend the rest of his life hiding in Clary's shadows, watching her from a safe distance, praying for her eyes to open and for her to see beyond the heavy fog that curtained her world. He was putting her in danger, he was putting _himself _in danger. But he could never let her go. He could never walk beside her apartment without staring up at the window, hoping for a glimpse, praying to see even the outline of the girl he was so madly in love with.

The girl that didn't even know he existed.

He asked himself sometimes, when the glamour rune was ignited, what would happen if she did see him? Would she even recognize him? Would the memories flood into her mind like a dam bursting forth, or would she look at him with no recognition- like a stranger or a blank canvas.

And while occasionally he wished she could see him, it terrified him. The truth was, she wouldn't know him. She wouldn't remember the nights they spent feeding of each others warm embrace, or the gentle kisses they rewarded each with. She wouldn't recall the tragedies and the joy they had once shared, she wouldn't feel that love she had promised could never leave her. She was hardly the same person she had once been, while Jace stood exactly the same- only with a sadder smile and now a faded light in his golden, golden eyes.

**OOO**

Clary watched as passer-byers glanced at her art appreciatively, nodding approvingly in her direction. It was slightly emptier than it usually was, but she was surprisingly grateful. This night marked a year since she found her self standing in the center of the city, rain dripping down her lashes and soaking her hair to her neck. She had no clue where she was or where she had been.

Her name was Clary Fray.

She loved to paint.

But that was all- no memories of the day before or the days before that. She walked for hours that night, searching for a place she might recognize, a person that she might know; but it was with no avail. There was nobody and nowhere.

She was a stranger in her own land, a stranger in her own mind.

She spent three nights sleeping on the bench in Central Park before stumbling upon the Brooklyn Academy. For the first time in a week, she felt connected to the place; like it had once been a home for her. And luckily for her, her intuition was right, and she found her name scribbled on the roster.

From that day on, she poured her heart and soul into her artwork, drawing that unfinished sentences that barely left her tongue and the faces that faded from her mind as soon as morning would call. Unexplainable memories swirled like marble in her dreams- fragments of a life she might have had; angels and demons and vampires and magic. She wondered if she was losing her mind- or maybe, if she already had. But like all her questions, she could find no answer.

She sighed, rubbing a particularly sensitive spot on her neck and studying the small crowd.

Until she saw him

Only a few steps in front of her stood a man she most definitely knew. Or had known at least at one point or another. He was looking at her with such love and _pain, _that Clary felt an urge to reach out.

She was pulled to him.

**OOO**

She was staring directly at him.

Directly.

Jace heart thumped in his chest and he turned to look behind him, expecting to find the subject of her narrowed eyes. But there was no one. No one at all.

Jace could feel his hand trembling in his pockets, he could feel his heart pumping a mile a minute. He needed to leave. He had to. He was entering dangerous territory, and he needed to go before he wouldn't be able to.

But he already wasn't able to. No, the moment her eyes met his, the moment they pierced his skin and nicked his heart, he could hardly lift his legs.

She walked towards him, never breaking eye contact.

Jace took a step back nervously. _Why can she see me?_

"Sorry I- I didn't mean to spook you ." She said smiling, peering up at him from under her bangs.

"You can see me?" Jace whispered, confusion written on his face, and a spark of hope igniting in his broken eyes.

She laughed "Of course I can see you!" She grinned as if it was the strangest question she's ever heard.

Jace gulped. Maybe it was the strangest question she had ever heard, but little did she know, this was not the first time she heard it. They had been here before. Her, seeing someone she shouldn't be able to see, and him- doing something he probably shouldn't be doing,

_You need to leave. Something is wrong._

He shook his head and took a step back, turning towards the door and moving as quickly as possible.

Did that really just happen?

Did he forget to glamour himself?

Did she really see him?

Did... did the angels forgive her?!

**OOO**

_"Don't let him leave_" A voice whispered in her ear. She didn't want to. She was drawn to him, look a moth to a flame. She knew it, she knew it like she knew the back of her hand- that once upon a time, he had meant something to her.

She needed him

She moved quickly, with a strength she didn't know she had, tracing the steps he had just momentarily took.

"Hey!" She called out when she found him in the back alley

He didn't answer. He just shook his head as if if she was a voice in his head he was trying to ignore, and quickened his pace.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!"

This time, however, he most definitely heard her.

**OOO**

He turned around slowly, bracing himself for an explanation for why she could see him and for why she followed him. Perhaps he left something at the gallery, perhaps she thought he was interested in purchasing her artwork.

But he hoped, oh, he hoped in his soul, in his mind, and in the angelic blood that rushed through his veins, blood that had once bonded them together for life.

He hoped she remembered

"Don't I know you... from somewhere?"

Jace's throat constricted. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to cry out to her, to tell her all their history. He wanted to feel her fingers on his skin and tell her how much he loved her. How he spent every spare minute dreaming of the day she would come back to him. Dreaming of the day she would wake up with the memories that were stolen back in their rightful place. Dreaming, praying for the day that she would come back home; to Luke, to Simon, and most of all to Jace.

But he couldn't tell her. She would have to remember on her own.

So with a heavy heart, and stinging eyes he lied.

"No. I don't think so."

**OOO**

But she did. She knew him. She knew him, and she knew that she knew him.

"No, I do I definitely do- I"

And then it came to her. His name in her mind in golden letters, escaping from under the latched door, slipping off her tongue like she had said it a thousand times

"You're Jace- right?"

**OOO**

Something broke in Jace. He hadn't heard her whisper his name in too long. He forgot the way her voice sounded, he forgot her little smiles and the way she squinted her eyes to look at him. He could feel the pain of the last 12 months rolling off of his back. He could feel the blockade around his heart crumble to dust like it was never even there. She knew who he was. She may not have known why, but she knew who he was.

And that- that was enough for him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! I was extremely busy today, but I tried to do as much as I could for you all- and I already started working on chapter 3, which will likely be the last one. **

**Disclaimer- When I first watched the final scene, I imagined Jace sitting Clary down and telling her everything. However, the more I've thought about it the less likely it becomes. From what I've come to understand about Jace's character is that it doesn't seem fitting for him to shove the memories "down Clary's throat" For instance, I believe that he would want them to return naturally as possible. I think he would want Clary to remember on her own, and _then _com back to him and the life they used to have, even though it would have been extremely difficult. I know there are many different opinions on the "what happens next?", but I truly believe that this is what would have been.**

**Also, I apologize for the cliffhanger but those who have read any of my other stories know that its what i do best**

**Thank you so much for reading, and please let me know what you think**

**Stay tuned for next chapter (hopefully tomorrow or the day after)**

* * *

Clary lay awake. Her eyes burned with exhaustion but she couldn't fall asleep. The evening spun in circles in her mind and she couldn't stop watching.

_"What's that tattoo on your neck?" She asked, touching her fingertips to the mark snaking along his collarbone. He smiled at her, timidly at first, then full on- transforming his entire face. He looked younger, happier, and...extremely familiar. She shook her head and gently removed her hand, "Who are you? Why...why do I know you.?" He looked at her for a long moment, as if debating whether to tell her the truth._

_"Clarissa Fray?" She heard a voice call out from the back of the alley. She turned around, slightly irritated. It was the head of the Art Department. "We are clearing out now. Please load your pieces into the truck." Clary nodded and smiled, "Sure. Just give me a minute" _

_She turned back to face him, an apology just barely rolling off her tongue, but alas- there was no one to apologize to. The man she knew she knew was gone._

Clary shifted under her blanket uncomfortably _Why did he leave? why didn't he tell me the truth? _It was unnerving, this beautiful, beautiful boy- that she knew- wouldn't tell her why she knew him. "Jace" She whispered to herself "Jace, Jace, Jace." His name felt so _right _to her. It was as if it belonged on her lips and on her mind, like it was a piece of Clary that she had somehow forgotten behind. "Who are you Jace? And why do I feel connected to you?'

OOO

Crickets chirped mercilessly through the window across from Jace's bed. The air was heavy indoors and he could feel the sweat rolling down his brow. Each creak and groan from the high ceilings above echoed in his mind, and he could hear every ping of the demon alert from the computer room down the hall. But these were not the factors of Jace's sleepless night. No, they were but a distraction from the many dreams Jace had began to envision.

He warned himself not to get his hopes up. The angels were prone to destroying good things and Jace knew that far too well. The possibilities that the strange evening was just a spur of the moment coincidence- not an actual change in Clary, or that his sleepless nights now led to an overactive imagination, were more likely than Jace would have wished.

But still, he had a reason to rise in the morning, a goal to reach, a future to pursue.

He rose from his bed and moved towards his dresser, sitting down on the hardwood floor and opening a large cardboard box.

There it was-

Thousands and thousands of sketches and letters-snippets of things Clary had left in the institute. Pictures of a young girl hugging her mother from the waist as she cooked dinner, photos of her swinging in the park, or standing proudly in a cap and gown on her graduation day. Some with Luke, some with Simon, some with Izzy.

Jace reached deeper in the box. That sketch. The one of him sleeping with his hair all ruffled and his hands resting under the pillow. There was a heart in the corner of the page where she typically signed her name- a heart and a scribble that read _"I love you always"_

It was almost a joke to Jace. Always?

_Even now Clary? _

_Even after all this time? Even after all the pain and suffering, all the separation? Even though you hardly know my name and barely recognize my face?_

_Do you still love me?_

OOO

Clary sat upright, letting the bed sheets fall around her waist so only the thin camisole sat upon her bare skin.

It must have been two or three o'clock and yet sleep was still out of reach. She was sick and tired of the unanswered questions. Sick and tired of the strange dreams and familiar faces.

She wished she could find Jace. She wished she knew where he was and she could get the answers she so desperately needed. But she didn't even know his last name, much less where he lived.

So, she did what she always did at times of stress.

She pulled out her art

She began slowly at first- apprehensively. Calculating the distances and the proportions, thinking and measuring. It was a laborious process; healing- yes but time-consuming as well.

But then her head cleared, and the wall in her mind and in her heart began to chip away.

Because she was drawing.

Chords stringing along, fine lines connecting pieces of the broken glass-memories and people she had once loved. Shards of shattered curves and ridges pulling towards one another like magnets. She was not drawing- no, her hand was moving at its on accord, threading her along as patterns began to appear and strange shapes became visible.

When she paused to admire her work, she was taken back

_I've seen this before_

And then she was moving the pen along her own skin, tracing the picture onto her arm almost possessed-like. She didn't know why she was doing it, she didn't know what had come over her. But just like Jace's name on her lips, she just _knew _that it belonged there. It was meant to be worn on her skin like an accessory; it was meant to be a piece of her identity.

It would give her the answers she needed, and she was sure of it.

OOO

Jace wiped his stinging eyes and tucked the box back into the draw.

He didn't know what his future entailed. He could never really know.

But she promised she would always love him. And even though the barrier in her mind was very real, at the end of the day- it was only just a barrier.


	3. Chapter 3

**This is it! The ending you all deserve, the ending you all never got to watch. I hope I served it justice and I hope you all are satisfied with my version. **

**If you would like me to continue this- make it into an actual story or even write an epilogue to this epilogue (reunion with Izzy, Simon, Luke), please let me know. If enough people would actually read it then i would definitely consider it**

**But, if not, thank you so much for reading. Even though the show itself is over, the fandom never dies - and neither does the fanfic. Be sure to check out other endings to bc I'm sure that everyone has a wonderful ending of their own. And if that isn't satisfying enough; just know that in the books, Clary and Jace are happily married and very much in love.**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

She sat in eerie silence, waiting...waiting.

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing

She laughed humorlessly "Well what were you expecting, someone to come crashing through the door?"

She shook her head and climbed back in her bed, aggravated and dissapointed by the underwhelming reaction. It had felt so right to Clary, she had really thought it would work.

"There is no such thing as magic Clary. Get your act together."

But she was wrong, and she truly believed she was wrong. A supernatural force was thriving out there, and she was sure of it. There was a life she had before the one she had now, and it was stripped from her unnaturally. It was not amnesia, she did not hit her head. Something had happened to Clary, but it seemed she would never find out what.

She was so close to giving up, so close to letting the hefty sleep crawl over her chest, so close to succumbing to the late, late night, when finally- finally after 12 painfully long months of loneliness and confusion- the rune worked its magic and the wall finally collapsed.

It burst forth like a tidal wave, carrying her over her feet and tossing her up and down, throwing her from side to side.

She was drowning in the color, in the music and the clarity that awoke a sleeping part of her inside.

The thoughts were completed and they settled in her heart peacefully at last.  
The blurred faces came to focus, hundreds of loved ones piling over her in her mind smiling down at her with such emotion.

She knew them- of course she knew them! How could she ever forget?!

o

Her legs shook as she stood from her bed. Her face was wet with tears and pain, and her hands trembled as she close them into a fist. She could hardly see, her breathe was heaving and her mind was moving a mile a minute.

The air hung still above her, silence rang from every corner and shutter. Not the sound of the Brooklyn nights could distract her, not the drunk singing from the street below. All her senses were shut off, all her logic faded away.

There was only pain. A thick, suffocating pain squeezing at her wrists and her throat until she couldn't see straight, couldn't think logically.

She trembled as she put on that maroon dress from the wedding almost a year ago. It was only right that she returned this way. Returned like she had never even left

But she had.

She had left them all.

She left them all to suffer, left them with hardly a remnant of her existence.

Did they miss her? Did they think of her before they fell asleep, did they watch the times they shared flicker in their minds like a light-switch, as she did right now?

She caused them such pain

She caused him such pain

And there was only one thing left to do

ooo

The wee hours had no sympathy on Jace. He had a mission tomorrow. He had dreams to be dreamt, he had a girl to watch over.

But sleep was still utterly unattainable. He wondered vaguely what she was doing, a question that often crossed his mind. Was the late night having mercy on her, or was she too suffering from restlessness? Were her memories breaking through the ice, or were they still gone lifeless in her mind like they had been for the last few months?

He closed his eyes _Should I have told her? _It was bothering him and it had been for the last couple of hours. _Maybe she would have been here right now, with me-together._ The thought burned, and he swallowed the rising pain. He could almost picture her beside him; her arms circling his waist, and her hair pressed against his chest, like it had a million times before. He breathed slowly - _If she is supposed to come back to me, she will. Our love is too strong to die out._

But deep down, Jace was afraid. He had been so close to having her, so close. She touched him today, her fingers grazed his skin. How he wished right then and there that he could pick her up and bring her back home! That he too, could touch her skin and watch a blush stain her cheeks. But it wasn't right; she had to come around on her own. And if it meant loneliness for the remainder of his life, Jace would do so with no hesitation. There was no one to Jace than Clary, and he would wait for her until the end of the time, and after that too.

ooo

She hadn't been at the institute in a year. It had been so long- far, far too long. It was her home. It had been since the moment she first saw those long corridors, and increasingly so with every glance at the man she loved. _"Home is where the heart is." _she whispered to herself. Home was where Jace was.

It was strange, she had walked down the long street many times in the last year without realizing its importance. She had never bothered to peel away the veil concealing the place that was so dear to her. Why would she? She didn't realize it had any significance. But then again, she saw Jace last night without fully comprehending his significance either.

She closed her eyes. It hurt. It hurt her so bad thinking of how Jace must have lived the last year, thinking of the anger and resentment he must have carried.

_Oh Jace. I'm so, so sorry_

ooo

Jace threw off his covers with an air of annoyance. _Why am I up? _Even with all the pain and lonesomeness the night brought, it was unusual for sleep to be completely unreachable.

It was almost like his conscious was waiting for something- anticipating something. The wind outside was still, and the creaks that had momentarily bothered him froze in their broken hinges.

Only the aching beat in his chest continued steadily, singing its tired song of a love it madly wished to bring back home.

ooo

She stood under his window. She knew he was up there. How many times had she been there with him, tracing the outline of his face while he slept, kissing the scar under his chin, holding his face in her lap like he was her precious child. How many times did she whisper him her love, promise him that nothing could break it apart? How many times did he comfort her as the tears cascaded down her cheeks, assuring her that everything would work itself out, and one day they would truly find happiness?

And then she left. And he was alone. Alone with no one to comfort him on his broken days, alone with no one to celebrate his little moments of happiness. At least her own loneliness she didn't understand. At least she didn't know the name of the ache in her heart, at least she didn't have to dream of someone who didn't even remember her name, wouldn't even recognize her face. At least she didn't have to read that wretched letter, wishing a permanent farewell, leaving him to rebuild a new world from the scraps she left behind-

A cry broke free from her lips.  
"Jace!"

A cloud rumbled up ahead, but Clary wasn't going anywhere. Not now, not after all this time.

There was no movement up ahead. Leaning down, she picked up a pebble by her feet, and threw it up to where he slept. It sailed in a perfect arc before tapping the window gracefully and plunging back down.

"Jace!?"

ooo

Jace sat up in his bed with confusion.  
He had heard his name.  
He stood and looked around. "Hello?"

And then again

"Jace!"

It was coming from outside, down below from the street leading to the institute.

And then it hit him

He didn't have to open the window to know who it was. He didn't need to hear his name again to know who was calling.

It was Her.

It was finally Her.

ooo

He opened the window, and even from way down under, Clary could see the light in his eyes. The golden light that she had once been blessed to wake up to. A light she never thought she could live without.

"Jace!"

It was raining now, fat drops splashing down in perfect sheets onto the pavement. Her hair was plastered to her neck, and tears ran down her chin splattering on the sidewalk, but it didn't bother Clary -she hardly noticed it.

"I remember you Jace. How could I ever forget?"

She took a breathe to stable her trembling voice

"I remember you from the moment I first met you. With a secret sadness in your smirk, a hidden pain behind your eyes. You meant something to me then. I didn't understand it. I didn't know what love was. But it was you. Of course it was. I remember when I found out you were my brother- my _brother. _It killed. It ate away a piece of me, it broke a something that will never be fixed. But we healed together, and then it was okay. Because it was us- Jace and Clary against the world. But then you were ripped away. For a second time. And again, I had to teach myself to try living without you, to smile even though you weren't there by my side. I couldn't do it. But it was okay- because I knew you would come back. You always did.  
And then it was me. Me. Me with a horrible evil inclination, me with the demon in my mind. Me, pushing you away and hurting all those I touched. And yet, you were still there for me, you still followed me from out of the ashes even when I left you behind to burn. We healed. You pulled me out of my misery, you taught me to live again. And we were happy. Because we had each other.

She choked on her words and wiped the tears from her eyes

"And then- then I found out.  
I wasn't going to remember you.  
We were going to be ripped apart again, and permanently. I would never see your face again. I would never say your name again, I would never hold you hand or kiss your lips. All those dreams I had of us living a life together, growing old together disappeared in front of my eyes. We would never get married or have kids. All of the love we gave each other would destroyed, tossed away. And this time-

She closed her eyes, and the tears seeped out from beneath her eyelids.  
She tried clearing her throat, but it was over ruled with emotion, and when she tried to speak- her voice cracked to pieces

"This time - it wouldn't be okay. This time we wouldn't make it out, we would never recover. Because how could we? There wouldn't be anything to come back to. In my mind it would all be nonexistent and how can you miss something you never had?"

She shook her head, the tears trailing behind her ears, and smiled up sadly at the figure leaning down from way above

" But they didn't realize- they can wipe away my memories over and over again. But you aren't just in my mind, your in my heart."  
"And they cannot-" Her voice trembled " no matter what methods they try to use, take that away too."

ooo

And he was running with such speed, such gracefulness. Down, down the stairs. Or maybe it was the elevator- he couldn't think straight, he couldn't _see _straight. Clary was his again, Clary was _his_.

ooo

He was there at the entrance of the institute, rain dripping down his hair and his hand shielding his eyes as he looked around for her.

He saw her, standing there. Her face tear-stained, and her hair windblown. She held out her arms to him as if to say- it's me, if you still want me.

There was nothing more beautiful

And then he was beside her, his hands on her hands rubbing up and down, calming the shivers and chills that were erupting on her skin like lava. It was not the rain or the chilly weather that triggered the goosebumps, no, it was the feeling of his skin on her skin- a feeling she had gone too long without.

They were all over each other, their hands and fingertips their lips and their love. Pushing against on each other, cherishing the warmth in one another's bodies. There was so much to be said, but their minds were jumbled, their words incoherent.

Finally Clary pulled away, holding her lovers wrists in her own "You love me Jace?" She just wanted to hear him say it- it had been so long. He smiled and shook his head, holding her face in his palms with wonder

"You asked me that as if I could have a different answer. I love you Clary. Always and forever."

Clary hiccuped loudly and the two laughed, pressing their foreheads against one another, their tears mixing together as they dripped sluggishly down their chins.

"Everyday I stood under your window, begging you to look down, to meet my eyes, to share a smile. Everyday I watched you from across the street as you walked to school, hoping, praying that by some miracle- you could see my face. Every art show I was there. Hiding behind the shadows, grinning as you grinned, frowning as you frowned. Every morning I would wake up in my empty bed and feel that horrible pain in my chest. You were gone. You were really gone. I could hardly breathe with out you, much less _live._

I prayed for this day every night before I fell asleep, and again with every sunrise- even when they told me you weren't coming back. When they talked about your new life, and how I ought be happy for you. And I was! And I don't resent them for telling me that. But God Clar, it hurt. It hurt so bad.  
When I found that letter on my bed last year, I stayed up all night searching the city. I ran everywhere, up and down every street, behind dumpsters and in every alley.  
But you were gone. And I was alone. Utterly and completely alone"

Clary wiped a tear from under his eye, and stroke his cheek lovingly

"But now, we are together, Jace. And we have the rest of our lives together."

Jace looked at Clary for a long moment, studying the face of his lover as he did thousands of times before

"This isn't a dream?"

She laughed sweetly, and the ache in his heart was mended-

"Maybe it is. But who says dreams don't come true?"


	4. Chapter break

**PLEASE READ VERY IMPORTANT **

**Hi everyone! I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support! I hope you enjoyed my version of the what happens next. In case you can't tell, this is not a typical chapter. **

**This is a break chapter**  
**Yes, I will be continuing this epilogue in a story-like form after many of you requested for me to continue. I didn't want to start a new story bc I know a lot of you are already following this one and I'm also kind of lazy. **

**The reason I put this chapter here as a warning for those who don't want the story to continue and just wanted an epilogue- don't read further ya'll. The previous chapters are my ending for the show and from here on is just another fanfic. Thank you for reading my ending and I hope you enjoyed.**

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**For those who want to read on- welcome! I hope to have the first chapter by the end of this week (Wednesday hopefully) so stay tuned for a crazy ride!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I really don't like this chapter, but it needed to be done in order for the story to begin. Sorry you have to read it, its kind of boring. The only good thing is sassy Jace.**

**Don't forget to tell me what you think!**

* * *

Clary woke up late the next day. The sun was beating down on her bare skin, and she pulled the blankets over head as a breeze snuck through the open window. She smiled under the covers. She was home at last, home with Jace, home with all her friends and family.

Tranquility sung in her ears, her heart thrummed peacefully in her chest, and happiness seeped through her veins. It had been too long since she felt the way she currently did; too many tears, and too much heartbreak. But now, as she reflected upon the last few months, all the trouble was worth it. Oh how she had taken advantage of each moment with Jace before! How she had never paused to appreciate the little things before the dreaded memory loss, how every little second of her life before was just _life _and nothing more.

This was a chance to start over. A chance to appreciate the little gifts that hid behind every corner and each wall, a chance to recognize each thought and memory that continued to leak into her mind like a broken pipe. She was coming back to life and she wasn't going to take it for granted.

The door shut and she lifted the covers to greet the intruder.

"You're up" He observed with a soft smile.

She sat up in bed beaming at Jace, running her hand through her hair almost nervously

She hadn't done this in a long time. _Do I look bad? My hair is probably a mess, ad I haven't brushed my teeth-_

Almost on cue he interrupted her anxious thoughts "You look beautiful." He called out, his voice raw and vulnerable; pure, unadulterated tenderness shadowing each syllable.

It blew her mind sometimes. This man was the same man who once proudly told her he was emotionless. That those who _felt _were weak, that to love was to destroy. He used to be rock hard- no one could pierce the shield around his heart, and he couldn't pierce out of it either. But even though he was stone cold in his exterior, he was just broken child inside, with no-one to open up to, and no-one to trust.

"What are you thinking Clar?" He asked as he approached her, crawling up to her blanketed body and nestling his head on her lap.

She smiled as she ran her fingers through his silky golden hair, letting it thread between her fingers and curl into her palm "You."

He smirked and huffed a laugh "Of course you are. Who isn't?" Clary laughed before leaning back down on the soft pillows and closing her eyes "You're crazy Jace." He lifted his head and grinned playfully, meeting her eyes: "Maybe- but you love it."

oOo

**A few hours earlier:**

When Jace rose that morning, he felt happier than he had in months. Birds chirped as they sat perched on his windowsill, a gentle breeze drifted into his room causing the sheet to flutter lightly in the wind. Clary lay curled up beside him, her face gently pressed to his chest, and her fingers resting on his heart. The early morning swathed her in a golden light, and he lay there mesmerized by the way it outlined her fiery hair and contoured the soft ridges of her face.

He wished he could stay there watching her, but he had work to do- and Simon to train. And if he came even a second late, suspicion would arise.

o

By the time Simon came to join him in the training room, it was half past 10. He wondered vaguely if Clary was up, although he tried not to show it. They were going to find out- it was only a matter of time- but for now, Jace wanted her all to himself. He had hardly gotten her back,and he wasn't ready to share her with the rest of the world.

And well, what was really bothering him, the sliver of fear that kept nagging the back of his mind. _What if the angel didn't actually forgive her? What if- what if they are just going to take her away again? _He shook his head and exhaled slowly _Don't think like that Jace. She's back and she's here to stay_

"Where've you been man?" He asked Simon casually, wrapping his hands with the white, fighting bandages. Simon looked up at him and hesitated, as if debating what to say "You know- Izzy." Jace snorted, and turned towards him "I do know her, yes. Strange question to ask her _brother_, but I wouldn't put it past you." Simon rolled his eyes good-naturely. Even though he might have once despised Jace's sarcasm, he now saw it as a good sign-a _healthy_ sign for Jace. "You're in a good mood this morning."  
Jace shrugged nonchalantly, and forced down the joy bubbling in his stomach. "Maybe I'm just excited to kick your ass."  
Simon grinned "Maybe you're just nervous that I'm gonna kick _your _ass."

o

At nearly the same moment, Izzy headed to the kitchen to cook herself some breakfast. She was starving this particular morning and she wanted to go all out. Typically, only Simon ate her food; Jace desperately tried to avoid their mealtimes together. And while her experience in the kitchen was rather limited, she knew Jace well enough to know that wasn't the real factor in his timely disappearances.

It was Clary's absence.

He couldn't watch others fall in love, no matter how happy he truly felt for them. He couldn't be alone as others held hands, kissed, or murmured words of intimacy_. The wound in his heart was still fresh_, Izzy would assure Simon, but sometimes she wondered if a time would ever come when it healed.  
Clary's horrible fate hurt them all, each and everyday, but Jace was a different man.  
He couldn't look at any association with love, he couldn't look at anything that reminded him of what he used to have. When Alec and Magnus would join them for the holidays, Jace would sit alone on an empty sofa; holding in the tears he would never let them see. And it broke her heart. She wished he would cry it out, she wished he felt comfortable enough to let Izzy help him, to let her assure him that he _would_ find happiness again, that he _would_ find love.

He used to be better at it. He used to be able to come to her- when times were really calling- to seek comfort. But with the loss of his love, came the loss of his growth- and she hadn't seen him cry since.

But today, today would be a good day. She knew this week would be hard for Jace- it marked a year since Clary's disappearance. A year and she still was gone, each day their tragic fate becoming more and more permanent. She wanted to be there for Jace and a breakfast with the family could perhaps lighten the mood.

"Jace?" She whispered, leaning her head against the wooden door. There was no answer, only the quiet breathe of sleep. She peaked her head in "Jace? Its 10:30. I'm making breakfast and I-"

That was not Jace. The figure lying under the covers was far too petite, far too feminine. She could not see who lay still in his bed but she knew, she just knew- _Jace had a girl over_

oOo

"Next time, man I'm telling you." Simon huffed, pushing up the sleeves of his shirt and gulping down water. Jace placed the sticks back in their draws. "You're doing well Simon, you really are. Don't take my ass kicking too hard. It's rare that anyone could beat me." Jace said as he grinned, pushing his blond sweaty hair back. It fell back over his forehead, and dipped into his gleaming eyes.

Simon paused to look at Jace. He really did look happy. So happy, that it was as if Clary was just outside this very room-waiting for Jace as she chatted with Izzy, or as if she lay accross the hall; half- asleep as the dreams began to fade. He needed to know:

"What changed Jace?"

Jace's eyes glazed over, and the dust motes floating in the air fluttered away from his face. He looked far-far away for a moment, and yet still completely present.  
"Everything."

oOo

Izzy handed Jace a plate of pancakes, half expecting him to turn it down. He looked at it for a moment and then down the hall at his closed, bedroom door. He smiled dreamily, and handed to Izzy. "I'm gonna eat it Izzy." He promised "Just... give me a moment."

**Back to present:**

Izzy sat down quietly next to Simon. Words swam in her head, but she felt as if she couldn't vocalize them. "He's in a good mood today." Simon said, nodding after Jace and taking a bite out of one of his pancakes. Izzy peered down the hall, expecting for Jace to appear suddenly out of the shadows as he often did.

"I'm not surprised." She paused hoping he would catch the subtle hint on her words. But he didn't, and she was forced to elaborate  
"Simon...He has a girl over."

Simon froze and set his breakfast down, his hunger dissipated.  
"What? How do you know? Who is she?"  
Izzy shrugged, and put her hands over her face.

"It's good for him, you know. I want him to move on, I want him to be happy. But... I can't help but feel... like Clary is being disregarded, or something. And I know she would want him to move on. She really would and I've told him, but still. It's all so _real _ now. "

Simon reached out and peeled Izzy's fingers of her face, gripping them in his own hand. "Clary loved Jace more than anyone, Izzy- more than _anything. _She would want to be happy, to find love. It's hard to hear and will be harder to watch, but we aren't forgetting her, we aren't _replacing_ her. Clary was important to each of us in our own way. And-" His voice cracked but he kept going "I know Jace will never forget her. He will never stop loving her, stop cherishing the memories they had. But he will be happy again. And she would have wanted that."

oOo

"Clary." Jace murmured sitting up and pulling her with him. "You should probably go see Simon and Izzy now. I can tell they're getting a little suspicious of me"

Clary nodded, stretching her arms to the ceiling. She cupped Jace's chin on her hand and closed her eyes, leaning in to peck a faded scar on the tip of his nose. "K. Let's go"

o

"You ready?"  
Clary nodded eagerly then shook her head contradictory "God, why am I nervous? This is Simon- my best friend since kinder garden. And Izzy, my almost parabatai... I don't know why I feel like I'm going to puke." Jace smiled down at her and tucked the loose strands of hair behind her ear. "You haven't seen them in a while...you don't know how they'll react. It's normal. But you'll be amazing, okay?" Clary smirked, her eyes smarting "And if I'm not? What will happen to me then, Jace?" Jace blushed, the undertones in her voice making her connotations pretty clear. "You'll just have to wait and see."

o

"You think he'll bring her out?" Simon nodded squeezing her hand "You know Izzy, we might be meeting you future sister in law." Izzy grinned despite everything. She had always wanted a sister, and the one person she almost considered one- was long, long gone. Even though she desperately wished it was Clary that was coming out of Jace's room, she recognized that perhaps change was good. Perhaps this girl would really make Jace happy, perhaps she would one day mean something to Izzy like Clary had meant to her. But she doubted it. It was too big a space to fill and there was no-one that could even attempt to fill it half as well

o

It had been a year since Clary walked down these long corridors. A year since she ran her fingers along the ancient architect, a year since she felt that familiar buzz in her stomach, and lull in her stomach. This is home. This is where she belonged.

Izzy and Simon sat together, their hands wrapped together as they slowly lifted their eyes to greet her.

But their nervous smiles fell as they saw the face of Jace's hand-holder. Their hands lifted to their mouths in shock and happy tears welled in their stunned eyes. Was this real? Was this really happening?

"Hi" She whispered weakly

And there was nothing more she needed to say.


	6. Chapter 6

**And now, our story begins! It's a shorter chapter but I really like it and I hope you all do to. Stayed tuned for next week and please let me know what you think!**

***Characters belong to Cassandra Clare **

* * *

It had been almost two months since Clary returned to her previous identity. Her memory was almost completely restored- only a handful of gaps in the fabric of her mind, little holes that disrupted the story of her life. But for the most part, she remembered her past; her mother, her father, her brother, and her lover.

She continued to learn at Brooklyn Art in the evenings. It had become a piece of her over the last 12 months, and it had essentially brought her back to Jace. However, she spent most of her time at the institute; retraining, relearning, and returning to who she had been.

But fear hung in the fragrances surrounding her- a dark, secretive fear that laughed in her ears whenever her fingers itched for a stele, and her arms begged for the runes that had once decorated her body like jewelry. She wasn't aloud to _touch _a stele, she was hardly aloud to _sketch _a rune, even with her fingertips on the arms of her chair, or in her notebook back at the school.

At first Clary thought it was over-protectiveness. Everyone was afraid that reclaiming her Shadowhunter identity would upset the angels, they may not have forgiven her yet and perhaps they would punish her more severely for her return. She had rolled her eyes at these absurd suggestions. "_Of course they forgive me! How do you think I'm even here?" _She would laugh, assuring them that their fears were completely unreasonable.

But then the dreams began with a soft whisper, crawling in through Jace's cracked window, and furling into her mind as they manipulated the memories that had only recently settled in their previous places.

_The humid summer day drooped over Clary's head as it followed her young footsteps home. It was the last day of seventh grade. Clary had just made plans with Simon- staying in his summer house on the countryside for a week, then going to the Annual Carnival on the Hudson River. They had talked about it for years and this year Simon's Mom had given them the go- ahead. Now, it was all up to Ms. Fray._

_When she finally reached their Brownstone Brooklyn Condo, she knew something was awfully wrong. Her usually vivid home lay barren with photographs. The walls were empty with only an occasional Jocelyn painting which was odd- her mother used to take a lot of pride in hanging up Clary's art. _

_"Mom?" She called out, shutting the door behind her and shrugging off her backpack- tossing it carelessly onto the couch. There was no reply. Clary frowned. "Mom?!" But the question only hung in its echoes, there was no answer, there was no movement- only shadows that ran for miles on the oddly empty white walls. _  
_She walked carefully to the kitchen, her footsteps pounding loudly on the hardwood floor. _

_Her mom stood her back towards Clary, her head bent oddly. With a sigh of relief, Clary laughed, holding her hand to her beating heart "God, I though something was seriously wrong Mom. Why were you ignoring me like that?" _

_Jocelyn was silently still for a moment_  
_And then she turned. _

_She was wielding a knife, her eyes flashing fearfully as she backed up into the kitchen island. "WHo are you?" _  
_"Wha- It's me mom. Its- Its me daughter- _  
_ "You're not my daughter! I-I don't know you. You're a stranger. Get out of my house."_

_Blood rushed in Clary's head, and tears began to form in the corners of her eyes "This is my house. I-I live her, this is my home, Mom."_

_Her mother shook her head wildly, her long red hair flying in her face, "You don't live here! You don't belong here, this isn't you're home- this never has been... I don't know who you are, but you aren't my daughter, you aren't my family." She pointed the knife at young Clary with a trembling hand, her eyes frantic- "Get out of my house! Get out! Get out!"_

_Clary ran out the door, stumbling over her shoelaces as she threw open the door. She could still hear her mother's shouts through the windows, but when she turned around for a last look- the house was gone._

At first she thought it was post-traumatic stress. After forgetting everyone around her, maybe she was afraid they would forget her too.  
But as the dreams grew worse and worse with each night, she realized the problem ran much,much deeper.

They were messages  
They were warnings

_"You don't belong here." _  
_"This is not your home"_  
They would all say, each and every time, the words rolling of her tongue as she wake up screaming- tears spilling down her cheeks and her arms frailing wildly. Jace would spent hours coming her down, lulling her back to sleep as he massaged her back or smoothed her hair. But when he would ask her what she had drempt, she would lie_ "Jonathan" _she would murmur, or "_Valentine" _He would never press further, but Clary knew he suspected something else.

_"I need to tell him." _Clary thought. But she was overwhelmed with fear; fear of the angels, fear of the pain of the past, and fear of the dark, murky mystery the future entailed.

oOo

Jace didn't get back to the institute until late that night. The city was washed in a navy blue, and the streetlamps glared onto their roads like Broadway spotlights. Exhaustion pumped in his veins like adrenaline, and he desperately craved a good night's sleep. As Jace got older, the temptation of settling down grew stronger and stronger. It was strange- he never imagined living a comfortable, laid-back life; his future always looked like demons and night-clubs, partying and fighting.

But with time he began to look forward to a peaceful, shadowhunter life with Clary. The two of them with a handful of children, living and loving the shadow-world ways_._

And yet, simultaneously he never wanted to leave New York. This was the only real home he'd had- the New York Institute with its dark hallways and secretive battle-scars. Each room had a certain significance to Jace; this one where he and Alec became Parabatai, this one where he beat two shadowunters with decades of experience, this one where Clary lay half-alive and he sat by her bedside unprecedentedly intrigued by the pretty redhead girl _who could see him_!

For the first time in years, the blank pages of Jace's future did not scare him, the pencil was in his hand, he could write his own ending. All those dreams he was told to leave behind, the countless prayers and wishes that seemingly would never be fulfilled- were finally attainable, finally a possibility.

They shone vividly in his mind now- so vividly that the dark truths in the pit of his stomach were almost completely blocked out. The fears that crawled up his spine with each of Clary's wretched nightly sobs- they were all momentarily forgotten.  
And maybe it wasn't really his fault- Jace had never really been a dreamer type. That was Clary after all; she was the idealist and he was the realist- each one feeding off of another. It was why they complimented each other so well, why the fit together like shards of broken glass.  
But now, the dreams and reality merged together and the hopes of a bright future settled comfortably in his heart. He felt so at peace, so _happy _that even the cold, condescending whisper of his father's constant reminders were almost completely drowned out:

_"Somethings, child, are just too good to be true."_


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone, welcome back! So, I started writing this chapter immediately after publishing the last one, as I usually do, and I was able to finish it in 3 days. I LOVED it. It was probably one of my all time favorite pieces and I was sooo excited to share it with you all.I was away for the weekend and when I came back, I went on my computer to edit it and- boom the file was completely destroyed. I still don't understand what happened, apparently the document was "corrupted" and all the letters turned to strange symbols, question marks and boxes. I spent hours trying to recover it. but i****t was a lost cause- the file was gone.  
****I tried to recreate it as best I could but I forgot a lot of my best pieces. So I decided- don't try to recreate it, just try to make a new one. In the end, thankfully it worked out okay and it's a strange hybrid of my deleted chapter and a new one. I keep comparing it to the previous version but you guys haven't read it, so please, please, _please_ tell me what you think.**

**Additionally, I had to up the rating after this chapter. This is my first attempt to write these type of scenes so I apologize before-hand if it is horrible. **

**With all that being said, I really do hope you enjoy and like this chapter.**

**PS. It'a kind of sad, sorry about that.**

**PPS. (or is it pss?) I listened to Arcade by Duncan Laurence, the winning Eurovision song, while editing and I highly suggest you do the same. I think it really adds a whole new level the the story.**

* * *

Jace sat in the cushioned kitchen stool. His arms were crossed in front of him as he watched Clary with a lazy smile. It was late- a little past one, but poth pairs of eyes shone brightly with mirth and joy.

"I don't think I would want to live in Alicante." Clary said as she slid into the stool beside Jace, passing him a mug of hot chocolate. "I like the mundane world. They might be ignorant at times but there is a certain simplicity here, you know?"  
Jace did know. With all the natural shadow-hunter desire to live in the home of their birthright, he had a certain belonging to the City.

He smiled and looked at Clary for a long moment.

She was older now- fine worry lines creased along her mouth and her eyes. Her face had matured- her eyes were more serious and the soft ridges were more notable. She was hardly the same girl at pandemonium- a young innocent teenager with a senseless and almost dangerous curiosity. And while she was more beautiful than she had every been to Jace, he wondered sadly where her carefree spirit had disappeared to.

o

Clary could feel Jace's eyes on her as she ran her finger along the rim of her mug. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest and she smiled internally at it's rhythm.

Her physical reactions to Jace had not decreased whatsoever over time, despite her initial thought. Each glance still made her heart quiver and every touch sent her nerves prickling as they raced up and down her arms. She wondered vaguely if a time would come where Jace's fingers on her skin would be so familiar, so _habitual_, that she would hardly feel it at all. And although she hoped it would never happen, a part of it did.  
_At least it would have meant we lasted that long. _  
_At least it would mean that the rest of our lives were spent together. _  
Because as night came after its dreaded arrival, Clary found herself farther and farther away from where she wanted to be- and when the morning would finally rise, she wondered fearfully what the dark, murky mystery the future entailed.

o

Jace grinned into his cup. Clary was far, far gone. He could tell by the way her eyes glazed over and the way her mouth hung open slightly, the mug slipping slowly from her fingers.

They had spent too much time apart, that now-they counted each moment they could find like spilled pennies on the subway platform.  
He never wanted to be apart from her again. He never wanted to walk down a street without her by his side, he never wanted to close his eyes without their fingers intertwined.

It surprised him how ready he was for the next step, the final step, but commitment was not as scary as it had once been.  
Why would it be? Jace loved Clary. She was the greatest piece of him.  
He wanted nothing more than to move forward with her and the time had never been more right.

Jace looked over at her again. She was struggling with something, and although it remained unknown to him he wanted her to know- _I'm here for you. Always. Nothing could ever change that._ He reached over and squeezed her hand, smiling at her softly

Whatever Jace was expecting, her reaction was complete the opposite.

A sob burst forth from out of her lips and she clamped a hand over her mouth as if to take it back.  
"Hey" Jace murmured, dragging over her stool so she sat right beside him. Clary leaned against his chest and he tucked her hair behind her ears gently"Hey, it'll be okay."

Clary looked up at him.  
Fear was paralyzed in her light eyes- a dark fear that was as pure in its essence as it was evil.  
A fear that was so intense Jace felt the need to shield his eyes from it's blinding darkness.

"Clary?"

But the emotion in her eyes didn't quiver- it grew and her lips trembled, her breathe stuck in her throat.

_No. _A heavy panic stirred at the base of Jace's stomach.  
Whatever the fear was it didn't really matter.  
All the horrible, horrible memories of the last months resurfaced and he felt himself being ripped into it's brewing hurricane.  
_No. No, God no. _  
Sheer terror bubbled into his veins and he needed the truth. He needed it so those emotions could find their way back onto their rightful shadows. "Clary, what's going on?"

oOo

Her words blurred together like wet tears over a photograph.  
He could hear what she was saying but he couldn't see her lips form the sentence that strung out of her mouth as it hung over his head like a death sentence.  
Jace was drowning, drowning, drowning- and soon even the sun would disappear.

He could feel her fingers as they wrapped around his chin, but simultaneously- the pressure of her touch was non-existent.  
There was no one sitting beside him.  
There was no one touching his face lovingly.  
He was alone.  
Alone as he had ever been, and lonelier than he had ever felt.  
_Can you be alone when you someone is right beside you? _  
_Yes. Yes, you can. _  
_Because if their time with you is limited- then aren't you already alone?_

"Jace?" She whispered, and her eyes brought him to life,  
"Maybe it's not so bad. Maybe it's my imagination, maybe we'll really be fine."

She didn't know the shadow world like Jace did. She wasn't forgiven. She would never be. And while Angels were supposedly perfect, weren't grudges their single flaw?  
But Jace was strong- at least he pretended like he was strong. Clary needed him now more than ever, and she didn't need to know her destiny was much worse than she could ever imagine.

oOo

Jace pulled Clary into his room.  
Their eyes were reflecting images of pain, torture and desire, and both craved one another like medication.

Liquid heat roared under the surface of Clary's skin and each touch burnt away another layer. She couldn't hear- every sound was muted and only Love's defeated cry rang forth. The room around her faded, and she watched helplessly as the high ceiling above her turned to stars.

Fire on fire. She was tinder and he was the match.  
Their fingers ablaze and their veins filled with pure heat as they made their way to their brimmed hearts.  
And when their hearts burnt out of their chest- when they overfilled- the remnant spilled out of their lips and translated in each of their tired kisses.

They were dancing.  
Each movement echoing in the other's chest, each nerve connecting to the next as they chased each other along the fine lines of their bodies. She couldn't breathe but it felt _good._

His skin was slick against her own as his hands slid to unmentionable places. It was times like these that reminded Clary that she was not the first girl Jace had been with. And while it bothered her once before, it could never matter again.  
Jace was the only boy she ever loved.  
He was the only boy she ever could.

o

He couldn't tell her.  
He couldn't tell her that their time together was slipping through it's hourglass with immeasurable speed, he couldn't tell her that he wouldn't touch her face again, that his lips would never feel her own again. But he could show her-

_I love you_  
_ I love you now_  
_I love you always_

So he kissed her.  
He kissed her because that was the only thing he could do.  
He kissed her and he reveled in the way her lips tasted and how her fingers threaded through his hair,  
he kissed her and he reveled in the way they fit together like two shards of broken glass.

_Do you understand how much I love you? Do you understand how I can't live without you? Do you understand that I would rather die than let you go? _

_I wanted to marry you, Clary. I still do. There will never be a time where I don't. _  
_But instead, I have to let you leave, I have to pretend that everything will be alright and that I can live without you.  
Even though I can't. Even though I never can. _

He pulled her closer to him. Their hearts tore through their bodies as they clenched the other's, connecting them together. Their blood was shared, the ﬁre and their pain.

Jace looked down under him and stared for a long moment. Her hair was sprawled in a glowing halo around her head and she was crying silently.  
He wiped a tear from her eye and caressed her face before falling back over her again, kissing her face tenderly and hopelessly.  
Their bodies curved to each other's, molding and bending like hot metal. Each shape, each scar ﬁt to the others contour like pieces of a shattered heart.

His skin burnt from the trails of ﬁre that her ﬁngers left behind as they roamed his skin. She kissed him under his chin slowly, carefully, making her way down his neck and he wondered painfully how he could ever live without her.

_Don't leave me Clary. Please, God, please, don't leave._

Maybe they were that single rose in the thorn bush.  
Maybe they were they living of the dead  
But even after all this time, they wouldn't survive.  
They wouldn't make it out alive.  
Even after all they had been through, all the tragedies, all the suffering-

He kissed her long and slowly, holding her face between his palms as tears ran down his cheeks. Jace wasn't a crier, but the pain in his chest was too great.  
The pain of loving and losing.  
The pain of ﬁnding and falling.  
And how do you recover from your second fall when you never even got up in the ﬁrst place?

o

She knew.  
She knew that her dreams were more than dreams.  
She knew it from the way he looked down at her, his eyes burning. She knew it they way his hand shook as he traced her lips and the way he smiled weakly when she kissed his nose.

The Angels hadn't forgiven her.  
They probably never would.

And they could pretend. Pretend that the future wasn't dark, that the future was theirs even though reality said otherwise.

She moved his hair out of his eyes and looked up at him through the blur of her tears. Jace's own dripped down his chin and soaked into her hair.

They were out of time and yet- time lay still for them.  
The room was washed in fear but the two of them lay still in their bath of golden light.

She held her hand to his cheek:  
"No matter what happens Jace, I want you to know- loving you is the greatest thing I have ever been able to do. Don't forget that, okay? If- if the angels take me back or-or something happens you need to know that. I don't regret anything. And I want you to be happy and do all the things you've always wanted to do, even if I'm not there beside you. You deserve to be happy, you deserve all the happiness in the world."  
Her voice broke and she closed her eyes. Jace leaned on her chest and sobbed, his breathe heaving and tears pooling as they soaked into the sheet.  
"I love you,"  
She murmured, her eyes stinging and his cries reverberating off her glass heart.

It broke her.  
She had never seen Jace cry like this before.

And yet, Clary knew what she had to do. If it was fatal, so be it. She would rather try and lose her life in the process than not try at all .  
It would never really matter.  
The consequences.  
The negative outcomes.  
Because to her, it was all the same.  
A life without Jace Herondale was hardly a life at all.

She touched his face lightly with the tips of her ﬁngers, lifting it up to meet his eyes. Tears burned in their corners and he tried to blink them away. "I'll come back for you Jace." She said nodding as her own tears continued to leak, running down her cheeks " I always do." He studied her face as if it was the last time he'd do so. His voice was steadier than her's but she wasn't surprised. Jace was the strongest person she had ever met.  
"I know you will,"  
He cracked a soft smile and to Clary it was the sun on a rainy day,  
"I mean look at me - how could you not?"


	8. Chapter 8

**A really short chapter and I know it. I have been a little discouraged lately and I genuinely want to know **

_**Is anyone reading this story?!**_

**Because if not, I won't continue. Not as a threat, not as a mean for support, but because I don't want to waste my time. I am going out of the country for two months with my family in exactly 18 days. Knowing myself- if I don't finish the story in the next 2 and a half weeks- which, pushing myself, makes exactly 3 chapters- it will never be finished. **  
**But I also have a ton of finals, testing, appointments, applications and **_**alot **_**to pack before our trip. If this story isn't being read than I have many, many other things that I should be focusing my time on. I really wish I could continue regardless but the lack of time and the surplus of tasks is really getting to me. **  
**Please let me know.**

* * *

Dawn rose earlier than she would have liked. The morning glow filtered in through the curtains and Clary turned away from the window, shielding her eyes from the bright, golden rays.

Jace lay still beside her.

A soft smile tickled in the corners of his lips and his breathe was steady and slow.  
She wondered if Jace knew how _beautiful _ he looked when he slept- with his soft blond hair curling over his forehead and his eyelashes casting long shadows on his cheeks. The panels from the glass window painting the sun's reflection in diamonds across his face so he looked like fragments of an old, Roman statue.

Whenever Clary imagined Jace as a young boy she saw him the way she did now; a golden haired child, with a mischievous yet charming smile. She wondered what life would have been if she knew him back them- would they have found love they way they did or would they never even bothered crossing paths?

She held a hand to his cheek and was surprised to find that her fingers were shaking.  
_Will this be the last time I wake up beside him?_  
_Will_ _this be the last time I peacefully watch Jace sleep, with his eyelashes fluttering and his lips curving gently?_

Clary shut her eyes and closed her shaking fingers into a fist  
_No more crying, Clary. You're stronger than that._  
_You need to be._

o

Alec was sitting in the kitchen when Clary walked in. She was surprised to see him- it was not often Alec would come home from Alicante, and he definitely didn't so without notice.  
"Clary," He said standing, folding her into his arms like a brother might do.  
In a way, he was. A stricter, more intense brother, but he had become someone that Clary considered family.

"Alec. What are you doing here?"  
He looked at her for a long moment, before turning away facing the the white kitchen wall.  
"You tell me."

Clary paused.  
She had sent him a fire note a few days ago but assumed that life as the Clave Inquisitor was too busy to answer. But now, he sat beside her waiting for an explanation for her urgent letter.

So she took a deep breathe and begun:

"It started about a month ago. These..._dreams_. I would be reliving some past experience or memory when- the person I was with wouldn't remember me anymore. They would ask me who I was and they would tell me I don't belong, that I needed to leave or they would have to hurt me."  
Her breathe shook and she studied the marble counter-tops with her fingertips to steady it.  
"I didn't take them seriously, you know? I mean we all have scary dreams, its part of Shadowhunter life. But these were different.  
They were... _real._  
At least, they felt real."

His eyes were sharp on her and she could feel them burning a hole in the side of her head. At one point in life, she would have coward in fear of his narrowed eyes, but not anymore. She wasn't scared of anything. Not the demons that crawled along her feet, not the thick night sky, or the looming evils that seemingly never disappeared.  
But she was scared of the Angels. And the future. And losing her loved ones, and forgetting the world that she had only recently gotten back-

"Clary?"

She gulped. _No more fears Fray. You need to be strong. _

Clary turned and faced Alec.  
"They are messages." She said simply "The angles haven't forgiven me. I don't think they ever will."

Alec turned away from her and shut his eyes, rubbing a hand over his forehead tiredly.  
"God Clary. What about-"  
" Jace. I know. He'll be-  
" Not Jace. You. You just came back to us and now what? They are going to take you away again?"

Clary was taken aback. Alec had never expressed any concern on her behalf for as long as she knew him. And it wasn't a character flaw. She knew he did care, and she knew he wanted her to be safe and healthy, but he had never showed her that until right now.

So she smiled. Despite everything she smiled and turned to him, gratitude written in her green eyes.  
"I'll be okay Alec. I will. Beside I have a plan. I didn't call you here for nothing."

o

The library was empty. Dust particles fluttered lazily around the two of them and she waved a hand in front of her as if to clear a path.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd been in the library, but she could remember the first time- clear as day.  
The way the sun gleamed and the silver words melted of the books. The long shadows that ran for hours along the carpet flooring. The soft whispers of old tales and the smell of wooden hearts enveloped in every page and crusty word.  
Hodge had sat in the great cushioned chair right across from where she stood now. His eyes twinkling with knowledge and amusement. She wondered if he had known who her father was, who her mother was all along and just chose not to say anything.

"What type of research do you need to do anyway?" Alec asked as he ran a finger over the old book binds, snapping her out of her reverie.

"Well... For one, where are the mortal instruments?"

Alec dropped the book in his hands with shock at her unexpected question.  
" Wha- There gone. Destroyed. After Valentine got a little too _excited _about the power they contained the last inquisitor destroyed them. Didn't you... help them with that?"

Clary didn't answer.  
They were a vital piece to her plan but she it would suffice without them.  
Hopefully.

"Yes. I guess. Just...curious."

Alec went still and she looked up from the bookshelf where she stood.

"Listen. I want to help you Clary. I really do. But you need to tell me what exactly your planning."

He was right.  
She knew he was right but the truth was so unbearable.  
She knew what he would say.  
He would tell her that it was impossible, that her so-called plan was fantasy. And if by some miracle they would succeed, then it was suicide. She would get herself killed in the process. Maybe that was why she asked Alec for help before anyone else. Because- in her mind- he had always cared the least what happened to her. If she got killed doing the right thing, then it didn't really matter. It was the right thing wasn't it?  
But as he eyed her carefully she knew that it wasn't true.  
Not anymore at least.  
Even if he didn't care what happened to her- it would hurt Jace. And that mattered. And it would hurt Izzy. And that mattered more. And it would hurt Magnus. And that mattered the most.

_The truth will always prevail._  
That had been her mother's famous catchphrase, the words she whispered to Clary as slumber pulled her into it's magical world, and the phrase she would casually remind her as she kissed her forehead wishing her a great day at school. When she first looked back it had been so ironic, almost everything her mother told her had been a lie anyway. But maybe that's why she told her- because the truth would prevail no matter what and Jocelyn had known it.  
In the end, it did prevail.  
And it stung Clary like a thousand bees when it did.

So she told Alec because she didn't want him to feel the way she had. She didn't want Izzy to, she didn't want Simon to, and most of all she didn't want Jace to. And she might have been too much of a coward to tell them to their faces, but there was a numb comfort in knowing that Alec was given the truth.

"I want to raise the Angel."


	9. Chapter 9

**Wow! Your support means so much to me. I really wasn't expecting so many of you to respond and I'm incredibly grateful. Knowing that even 12 people are reading this is enough for me to take time to write and honestly I would feel forever guilty if I just ended the story right now. That being said, lucky for ya'll I guess I got sick on Monday and wasn't well enough to go to school for the rest of the week. Because of the time I suddenly had I was able to write this chapter fairly quick and study for two of my finals.**

**About this chapter : I hope this isnt confusing. Basically, Clary is carrying out her plan and she wants to leave as soon as possible in order to minimize the anger the Angels must have for her.  
Next chapter will probably be the last chapter but I am running into some complications as to storyline... I have an idea but its not a happy one, like its sad and I feel like you guys would be pissed off if I carried through with it.  
**

**Anyway, that's next weeks problems so enjoy this chapter (I hope it's not too sad, I really tried to stop before making it too emotional)**

**Let me know what you think!**

**-A.G**

* * *

A sharp gasp cut through the air and Clary spun around nervously to see who the intruder was.

_Simon._

He stood under the doorway. The sun bouncing of his hair so his skin looked paler than usual, his t-shirt hanging out from his pants, and his mouth ajar at Clary's revelation.

"You _can't!"_

He whispered though his voice reverberated loudly off the high walls. "Clary, you can't do that! You'll die- you can't, you just-"

"Simon" She breathed quietly and he shut his lips tightly together.  
"I don't really have any other choice at this point."

He rushed forward to her, and held her by the arms. "You always have a choice Clary! Always. This is not it, it can't be. If the angels haven't forgiven you then- then they really won't be happy to see you when you do raise them. Think of that. If they are angry at you now, then imagine how angry they'll be if you-"

She shook her head, her eyes glinting and tears gathering as they threatened to spill.  
"I already made up my mind. I'm raising the Angel. If I die trying, then I'll at least have died trying"

He let go of her arms, letting them fall down to her side. He blinked twice and nodded, realization crawling over his kind eyes. He pulled Clary towards him, hugging her tightly and she let the familiarity of his arms wash over her mind, drown out the pain on her heart.  
_I'll be back Simon._

ooo

Alec told her to tell Jace.

He told her that he didn't deserve to hear from someone else, he told her that he deserves the truth more than anyone.  
He was right.  
But there was nothing she wanted to do less.

He was sitting up in his bed when she walked in and she closed the door behind her softly to join him.  
"Hey" He whispered as she took a step into his direction, eventually sitting down beside him.  
"Jace" She murmured and she cupped his cheek in her palm, running her thumb up and down the soft skin that lay underneath it.

He looked at her intensely- with a feeble sadness seeping through the bright colors in his irises and it made her wonder if he already knew. He had a way of doing that, of predicting each of her movements before she made them- before she even knew she _wanted_ to make them. And now as he looked at her, his hands shaking silently and his eyes cracked, she knew that this time was no different.

"You're leaving aren't you?"

Clary shut her eyes and bit her lip. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't-  
"I need to Jace."

He looked at her.  
He looked at her the way nobody else could. Like she was perfect, even though she was far from it. Like she couldn't make a mistake, even though in reality it seemed she hardly made anything else.  
He held her face and met her forehead in the middle.

She could feel the steady beat if his heart through the fabric of her t-shirt and she prayed it would beat like that until he lay an old man happily climbing into death's warm embrace. Even if she wouldn't be there with him. Even if she wouldn't know who he was anymore-

"Then I'll be here when you come back."

ooo

Jace stood away from the group. Maybe he had changed in the last few years but it was at times like these that reminded him of who he used to be.  
The isolated one.  
The one that never really fit in.

When he was younger it never really bothered him.  
_Who cares_? he thought _I don't want to fit in anyway. It's weak._  
But only when he realized what he was missing did he understand the truth- he was the weak one.  
Love makes you stronger.  
And he was at his best when he was loved

_She'll come back Jace_. But he didn't really know if she would. This was different. She wasn't being taken away. She was leaving. She was risking her life, and for what? For a possibility of a better world? For a slim chance at happiness? Was that all worth it for her? Was it worth potentially throwing away everything she had ever known and loved, throwing away their relationship and leaving Jace alone, alone, alone...

_Shut UP Jace. This isn't about you. It's about Clary. And right now, she needs you. _

ooo

"Izzy."  
Izzy's sighed painfully and she pulled Clary towards her.  
"When you come back-" Izzy sniffed and she gripped Clary's wrists "Parabatai."  
Clary pushed Izzy' s hair behind her ears and smiled at her with sisterly affection. "You mean so much to me Izzy... I don't know what I would have done without you." Izzy's eyes glittered, her tears like diamonds as they dripped onto her shirt. Her lips trembled but she laughed anyway  
"I'll see you soon Clary. You can't stay gone for long."

Next was Simon. He stood beside Izzy and Clary noticed how tall he had grown_. Do vampires grow? _A piece of her wondered although she knew they didn't. And yet, it still hurt that she wasn't there to notice the changes. She had gone through hell and back- literally- with Simon. He was her best friend. He always had been.  
_And he always will be_  
She reminded herself

"Hey Fray." He whispered as he hugged her. She didn't know what to say, she could hardly open her mouth without falling apart.  
"It's okay." He said nodding "It's okay if it hurts. It's okay to cry Fray. Don't hold back for my sake."  
Clary nodded and sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "It's just- I should have done this last time." He frowned quizzically "last time...?"  
And then realization dawned upon him. "This isn't last time Clary. I'll see you soon. And this time you'll know who I am. "

Silence rang between the set of eyes.

"Earlier you told me we always have a choice. No matter where or what, we can choose our next step. And I guess, I just want you to know- this _is _ my choice. I know what its like to live without you, without Luke and Jace. I need you in my life Simon Lewis, all of you. And I'll fight every day for it even when all hope is lost."

He looked at her for a moment and squeezed her arms. "Do you remember Ms. Daniels? From 9th grade? Do you remember what she used to say? Be strong. Things will get better. It might be stormy now but it never rains for ever."

Clary bit her lip but laughed a breathe "This is _so_ not the same thing Simon."  
He shrugged but grinned, and she couldn't help grinning back  
"I know. I just wanted to sound cool."

There was a pause, and Clary cleared her throat.  
"Simon?" She whispered  
"Yeah?"  
"Take care of him. "

Simon didn't answer. He just studied the ground with a sudden interest and blinked furiously

"Clary I-"  
"Please. He might not act like it- but he needs you, he needs everyone and if I don't come back-"  
"You're coming back Clary. I know it. You have nothing to be afraid of."  
She held her hand to his cheek-  
"Then just in case. Please Simon. Promise me."  
Simon looked at his friend. She had grown so much in the last years, that sometimes he didn't recognize her  
"If your Mom was still here Clary, she would be so proud of you"  
Clary's defense broke and she had to hold her breathe so the tears wouldn't burst forth  
"Simon-"  
"She would. What happened to you isn't fair. It still isn't and it never will be. But I know she would have been proud of the choices you made even if sometimes, sometimes you hate yourself for it."  
Clary smiled sadly  
"I'll watch over Jace, Clary. I'll make sure he's eating and he's healthy and happy. But it won't come to that Fray. You'll be back in a soon."  
He pulled Clary towards him and she remembered each and every time she had hugged Simon before. The last day of Kindergarden. Their joined birthday party at that fancy waterpark downtown. Their 8th grade graduation. When he came back to _Simon_, the friend she loved and needed, after being she had buried him in the old, Grayman Cementary.  
_This won't be the last hug Simon. I'll make sure of it._

Clary lifted her head from Simon's embrace and turned to find Jace. He stood away from everyone, far in the distance under one of the tall poplar trees. He was dressed in typical black shadowhunter gear and it was such deja vu, that she felt a jolt from the past.  
_You can see me?_  
_Well yeah, that's kind of the point, you obviously didn't see me._

As she approached, his eyes lifted and she could feel them as they traced her beckoning outline.  
_I can see you Jace._  
_And it's the greatest thing I've ever been able to do_

"Hey"  
"Hey."

"When are you leaving?"  
"After."  
"After this?"

She didn't answer.  
She couldn't open her mouth. They were glued shut and it hurt to even try to pry them open.  
Everything hurt.  
Her heart.  
Her stinging eyes.  
Her fingers and her chest, her legs and her overactive mind  
But the pain comforted her as strange as it might have been.  
_Chances are I won't die from the Angel's wrath. I'll die from all the agony slowly sucking the life out of my lungs way before._

"Clary"  
His voice sounded oddly forlorn in her ears and she realized he was on the verge of tears. "You're a hero. You know that? You always be considered a hero."  
Clary shook her head and her eyesight was blurry with the tears that sat anticipated in their ducts.

"I'm not a hero Jace. And I've never wanted to be. All I ever wanted was you."

Jace smiled weakly

"I know. But don't-don't this for me Clary. I would rather watch you from a distance even if you don't know who I am than not be able to watch you at all."

Clary watched the way his eyes glazed over. The way his lips shaped the words that spilled out of his lips, they way he tilted his head to the right as he spoke.  
She wanted to burn it in her memory.  
She wanted to burn all of it in her memory and in her heart.  
But they could take that away too, couldn't they? They could take practically everything away.

She touched his face with her fingertips and his eyes shut almost automatically, habitually, like every time they every had before.

"See that's why I'm not a hero Jace. That's why I am not a regular Shadowhunter, why I don't really fit in. Because I'm selfish. I'm selfish when it comes to love. I could never willingly let you go."  
It was true. It was the most honest thing Clary had said all day and she felt a strange relief in getting it off her chest

"But is that worth it to you? Is that worth putting everything you've ever known on the line? Risking your life, possibly dying after all this-"

He didn't understand.  
It wasn't a surprise; not really at least. Jace never really understood how much he mattered, how much others cared for him. And it wasn't his fault. He grew up unloved, he grew up isolated, he lived his whole life telling himself that he was no-one and nobody. But not to Clary. He could never be nobody to Clary.

"Don't you get it Jace? If I'm not loving you, if I'm not living life by your side, if I don't get to be with you during your worst moments, and celebrate with you during your best- then I'm already dead."

He let go of her hand and her fingers slipped through his own.  
"Come here."

She came.

He tucked her red hair behind her shoulder and pulled his stele from his belt, twirling it expertly in his fingers.  
"You have nothing to be afraid of Clary." He said, his voice shaking and his letters rippling in the wind, and it made her wonder who was really more afraid.  
The one leaving or the one letting the other leave.  
The one risking their life or the one letting the other risk their life.

Cupping her face in one hand, he began tracing the faded lines along her neck. The vines and the threads, the puzzle pieces that gave her such power, such courage, such bravery.

"Which one?" She whispered, praying that the words didn't fall apart as they rolled off her tongue  
"The first one. The first one I ever gave you"  
He smiled-  
"It's strength. Though I doubt you'll need it much anyway."

Her heart shriveled

"Thank you Jace.  
For... everything"  
"You don't need to thank me."  
"I want to."  
"Of course you do."

His voice was rough and it scratched through the surface of her stitched soul making her lungs collapse in their cavities.

Clary turned away from him, stepping back onto the pavement. She couldn't look at his face anymore without feeling like she was _dying_. Like her blood was leaking out her heart, like her cells were being shredded to pieces. And each second with Jace pulled her back farther. The longer she stayed the less she wanted to leave.

_But if you leave then one day you'll get to stay forever._

That was the goal at least.  
Leave now, never leave again.  
Bid farewell now to never bid farewell again.  
But it burned, it burned in her soul in her mind, and in every living, breathing part of her.

"Clary"  
He called out

She stood still and shut her eyes close. She didn't want to see his eyes. While his face masked his pain, his eyes never could and it would kill her to see them.  
And all the same, she did want to see them. She wanted to drink in the sight of them, the sight of his golden, golden hair and his fair face. His lips and the scars that curled around his neck, each that spoke of memory, of experience, of _Jace Herondale _as a person, as a lover-

She turned against her will

And then he was pulling her to him, kissing her long and steady, with his lips but with his hands and his breathe and in the beating of his heart.

His lips were salty from his hidden tears, and they saved her.  
They saved her from the fear  
They saved her from the pain  
It melted the ice in her chest and she could feel the heat as it traveled into her lungs. But it wasn't painful.  
It was _warm_  
It was beautiful  
It was tragic  
It was building as it was breaking and she wondered how many time one could fall before they were always falling  
Before falling was the only thing they were doing  
Before they didn't even realize they were falling because the wind whistling by them and the cries that shouted past them had become so _normal_.

o

Her arms twisted around his neck and he could feel her fingers as they slid up and rested in his hair. His fingers were knotted in her red locks as the strands tangled in his palms.  
_Stay here with me Clary _  
he said with his kisses, with his tongue and with the gentle movements of mouth  
_Stay here and we'll figure it out_. _We always do_.  
Her lips cut the layer around his heart and he was bleeding all over the floor, bleeding through his shirt and he could feel his knees giving out.  
But she was bleeding too.  
And if they died, then at least they died together.

She pulled away from him, gasping for air. Her lips were stained red from the pressure of his own and she touched them with the tips of her fingers.  
Jace could feel his strength leave him. He could his heartbeat as it decreased steadily and he needed to sit down. But he didn't want her to see. Didn't want her to know her leaving, was ripping him apart, ripping him to fine pieces. He didn't want her to know that she _was _his strength, that he would _die_ if she didn't make it back.  
She was his water, his shelter, his food, his _lifeline_.  
And he didn't want to find out how long he could live without her.

The sun was setting already, and she glowed golden in its presence.  
"You should probably get going." _Don't leave me_  
"The sooner the better." _Don't go, tell me you don't want to go._  
But she nodded and she turned  
And it was as if she took his heart with her.  
His heart and his lungs, because he tripped over in pain, hugging his chest and the cold spot his heart had just beat.  
_Come back Clary. Turn around. I need you, please I need you._

o

Clary kept walking. Her legs were moving at their own accord even though her mind was screaming to turn around.  
To run back.  
Back home, back to Jace and Simon and Izzy's inviting arms.  
But she didn't.  
And good thing she didn't because she would not have been able to continue if she did.  
Not if she saw Izzy sinking to the ground and Simon leaning over, his eyes shut and his fingers trembling as he held her.  
Not if she Jace doubling over clutching his stomach, his eyes fading like a man preparing for Death's kiss.  
She didn't turn.  
She kept walking until she reached the middle of the street and pulled Jace's stele from her back pocket as she began to draw on the thin air, draw like she never had before. She saw the pictures and the words and symbols sharp in her mind. Oil spilling on a canvas, fleas flying through the trees, seagulls diving in the night sky.  
And when she finished, when the imagine became real and physical, _alive _like a beating heart, she stepped through it and the New York Institute faded behind her, along with all those that she loved into it's black icy inferno.  
But not once did Clary look back.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi guys! I know its been a little while, but that is because this chapter is the longest chapter I have ever written. Originally it was suppose to be two chapters, but as I have mentioned before, I am a little short on time so I ended up combining it. I just want you to know- I have _never _in my life worked as hard as I did in such a short amount of time. Even though it might take you 5 minutes to read, I have spent over 25-30 consecutive hours on this chapter- writing, imagining, planning, and editing, so I hope you love it as much as I do.**

**Several weeks back I was throwing around the idea of writing a one shot of Jace finding out Clary is gone, when I realized- I could just put in this story as a flashback! However, I do want to write about that whole year- Jace's reaction, how he found Clary, what Clary did etc. so let me know if ya'll would like that.**

**Lastly- enjoy! This chapter is really special to me for many reasons. There are a lot of "easter eggs" and central themes that I tried to incorporate, while simultaneously trying to close the story as best I could _and_ keep it open-ended (in case I decide to ever continue it).  
In case you were wondering, don't worry, it's not sad. The idea that I was seriously contemplating was ending it the way Jace thought it was going to end (trying not to spoil the chapter) but I didn't which is lucky for ya'll.**

**Thanks for sticking along, and let me know what you think!  
\- A. G**

* * *

Clary landed face first on the forest terrain, scraping her nose on the undergrowth and bumping her head on the spiny chest of a tree. She was out of practice and portaling to Lake Lyn was not an easy task to begin with.  
She must have bounced off the Lake itself- the wards in Idris were more secure than any other place in the shadow-world, but she was grateful she didn't land in the water.  
Wherever the water was, that is.  
It had grown dark unbelievably quickly and she wasn't even sure which direction to begin in.

"_North, start north"_  
She whispered to herself. North was good luck -or it was suppose to be anyway. That's what Simon used to say- _East is better than the West, South is better than the East, and North? North is better than all of them._  
She wondered vaguely where he had heard that as she walked through the dark forest, or if he had just made it up.  
She cracked a soft smile despite the gloomy atmosphere.  
Simon had always been that way. While Clary was the artist of the two, Simon always had a wild imagination. For as long as she could remember, his creativity was their greatest source of entertainment. The two of them, lying on the wet grass of Central Park, staring at the night stars, telling stories of ghosts and vampires and monsters under their beds.  
Little did they know that magical world was right beneath the surface of their own all along.  
Little did they know the magical world was not as pleasant as they had imagined, and that in a few years time Clary would risk her life to summon one of the most magical beings to ever exist.

ooo

The three of them sat in eerie silence in the Institute's great living hall. Whether the other folk knew of Clary's departure or not, not a word was spoken through the entire building and Jace could feel the thick hush as it folded around him.

Or maybe they were talking.  
It didn't really matter.  
Jace couldn't hear a thing other than the lonely pounding of his heart.

The way they sat here now, alone together in the deathly, never-ending silence reminded him of that fateful day last year. And despite each and every tragedy that Jace had been through, the day that would always remain the worst one yet:

_Nearly five minutes had past since Clary left and he started to wonder where she had gone off to. While the rest of the Shadow-world was busy celebrating the lack of an evil Morgenstern, Jonathan's death had been especially hard on Clary, and he could tell she was struggling with accepting her actions. __Jace himself still didn't know the details of what particularly she had done to kill him, but he knew she was still fighting the pain on the daily. He, more than anyone else knew what that was like._  
_To grieve for someone you shouldn't grieve_  
_To miss someone you shouldn't miss._  
_So he didn't hold her accountable for her feelings. _

_"Jace." Maryse called out from behind him and he greeted his mother with a warm hug. She frowned at the blank spot at his arm "Where's Clary?" Jace smiled and casted a glance to the large double doors that remained closed in front of them "Getting a breathe of air. She'll be back soon. " Maryse nodded, but the frown was still etched on her lips "Is everything alright with her? She seemed rather... upset about something. She asked me some strange questions earlier and-"_  
_"Mom. " Jace interrupted with a smile, putting a hand on her shoulder._  
_"Your son just got married! I'll go find Clary. Now go celebrate!"_  
_A soft smile broke out on Maryse's face and she cupped Jace's face in her hand lovingly,_  
_"Each of my children have found a partner," She whispered sentimentally like a mother might do " and __I__ couldn't have found a better one for you Jace. I'm happy your happy. You deserve it sweetheart." Jace smiled and Maryse moved back to the center of the dance floor._

_He grinned with a boyish __joy__ as he exited the hall and inhaled the sweet breeze that blew in from the open institute doors. Which was odd, he thought as he walked to Clary's bedroom, but there were many people filtering in and out for the wedding so the open doors didn't really concern him. _

Whenever Jace found himself painfully reminiscing that horrid night, he tried to stop himself from remembering the rest of the evening. When the night went from a cherished memory to a living, breathing nightmare that would wake him in the middle of the night, loveless, hopeless, and pulling him down in a wave of self-pity.

But now, as sleep was out of reach, and distraction was non-existent, he couldn't stop himself from falling, falling falling...

ooo

Clary hurried along through the dark trees, holding her witchlight above her eyes so they casted ghost-like shadows along the ground.

The wind bit at her neck and she shuddered as she continued. She had no idea how long she had been walking for, the minutes and the hours blurred to one and exhaustion ripped through the surface of her chest. It was tangible, the uncontrollable urge to go back home, back to Jace and the heavy musk of the City.  
But here she was; trampling through the dark woods, tired, dejected and fearful for her life.

Her mind had just started to wander off when she hear it:  
the murky whisper of the lake as it it slowly ebbed on its abandoned shores.

Quickly, she rushed through the branches, steadying herself as she tripped over the broken twigs that stood uprooted in the ground.  
There it was.  
Lake Lyn in all its glory.  
The dark trees hanging over it like bats, their shadows crawling along the sides, bending and folding in the chilly wind.  
A thin shield of ice lay along its surface and the hush of the water flowing beneath it was barely audible.  
She paused and inhaled a breathe of the rich mountain air. _It'll be okay, Clary_. _It'll be okay._  
So with the grass rippling beneath her feet, she made her way towards the water.

ooo

_"Clary?" He asked quietly, leaning his head on the wooden oak door, searching for the sound of movement. When no response was given, he peaked the door open a crack._

_Empty._  
_Why was it empty?_  
_But it didn't really concern him. The air was too rich of happiness for fear to have any place in Jace's mind, so he smiled when he saw the note that sat curled with fresh ink on Clary's bed. _

_how thoughtful, he remembered thinking as he peeled open the letter with an eager light in his eyes. _  
_But that feeling of untouchable happiness didn't last long._

_"By the time you read this letter, my memories of you and the shadowworld will be gone. It was the price the angels made me pay for the runes I've created.  
But I have no regrets. Even if I don't remember you, you will always be in my heart."_

_No._

_The letter fluttered out of his hand and he could feel his heart crumble as pain bubbled up to his chest. Nausea curled in his stomach and he clamored to the floor dizzily, using the white wall to steer him back to the hallway. _

_No._  
_No._  
_No, no, no!_

_He ran through the hallways, pushing past the groups until he arrived at the doors of the institute. _  
_People stared at him from either side, he saw a flash of Maryse's face as he passed. But it didn't matter, his pain was blinding him and he could feel it as it dribbled into his ears and his mind and his broken heart. He threw the doors open carelessly, stepping out onto the wet street._

_"Clary!?" He shouted and it echoed as it fluttered in the wind._  
_The rain was heavy and it blurred his surrounding. He couldn't see the steps, or lines between the pavement. He couldn't see the shapeless figures that moved in front of him like ghosts._  
_  
"Clary?!"  
__His voice was desperately broken even in his own ears, but it didn't matter to Jace. He needed to find her._

_"CLARY!?" _  
_He called out to the entirety of New York City and the passerbyers crossed the street to avoid him. He must have looked crazy- in his suit and tie that was now soaked to his chest, his thick hair plastered to his head and tears rolling down his cheeks as he roared in pain._  
_But there was no answer._  
_There was no movement. _  
_"Where is she? Where is she, God, WHERE IS SHE!?"_  
_But the heavens didn't answer and he could feel his sanity slowly crumble_  
_"WHERE IS SHE!? WHAT DID YOU DO HER?!"_

_The brick wall was the closest thing towards him and he punched it angrily. His fist ricocheted off the black stone and he gasped a breathe, clutching his bloodied hand and holding it to his chest._  
_But it was nothing. _  
_It was nothing compared to the ache in his chest, nothing compared to the insurmountable pain that brought him to his knees as he sunk to the dirty street floor. _

_"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HER?! WHAT- What have you done to us?"_

ooo

Clary didn't really know what to do next. When she had originally thought of her great plan, she never imagined her succeeding to the point that she was now, so she stood at the grassy shore contemplating her next action.

Years had passed since she last stood at Lake Lyn, but she could remember each detail like a fine line of one of her paintings.  
The way Valentine's face shone greedily as he held the rock above her head, and the painful hold the binds had around her wrists.  
The way Jace's knees buckled to the ground as the light leaked out of his eyes and he whispered with dried lips, _"I love you_".  
That was the first time she truly hated Valentine. Not when he kidnapped her mother, not each and every time he threatened her friends, not when he told her that he loved his daughter.  
It was then.  
When he stabbed a kitchen knife through Jace's heart, and lay him down to die.  
It was _then._  
It was then that she realized that she could never, _never _forgive her father no matter how much she secretly wished she could.  
Then when she realized she had no family in this world. She was alone and the one person left that she loved, was now gone too.  
Then that she realized how much she _needed _Jace, how much she loved him and how much she always would.

She felt more dead inside at that moment, when she watched Jace draw his final breathe and close his eyes for the last time, then when she saw Valentine loom over as he told her that she would have to be sacrificed as well.

_But you got Jace back in the end. And he will get you back too._ _Be brave, and you will be with him sooner than you realize._

ooo

_Somehow Maryse was beside him, panic written in her eyes and he could feel her words swimming around his mind like he was underwater_

_"Where is she Jace?_  
_He didn't answer. He couldn't.  
"Jace?" Fear was laced between the syllables of her words "Where's Clary?"_

_He turned towards her, ashen  
__"...I don't know mom."_

_Her eyes scanned his.  
_  
_"They took her. They took her from me. She isn't coming back. She's gone. Shes gone, she's really gone-"_  
_And then it dawned upon him, and he choked a painful breathe_  
_"I never got to tell her how much I love her." His face crumbled, and his breathe heaved, tears sparkling in his eyes, as he began to spiral " I never got to tell her, she doesn't even know how much I love her, Mom, she doesn't even know, I never said it. I never ended up saying it because she left and I thought she was coming back. I thought she was just going outside Mom. I didn't realize she was leaving. I didn't realize she was saying goodbye, I didn't realize she was never going to come back. I didn't understand and now she doesn't even know, I never got to tell her, I never got to say-"_  
_Maryse eyes welled with tears and she gripped her son's arm_  
_"She knows Jace. She knows how much you love her-_  
_"NO. No Mom, she doesn't, She doesn't know, she doesn't know anything anymore. She doesn't even know my name, she doesn't even know who I am anymore-"_  
_His voice broke and his mother pulled him toward her as he cried bitterly into her shoulder. _  
_"She doesn't even know who I am" _

_And softly, like the child he never was able to be. he whispered painfully,  
__"It hurts. It hurts, it really hurts Mommy."  
"I know Baby, I know it does"  
Jace didn't answer.  
He didn't know what to say  
"Be strong Jace. Be strong for her. Even if she doesn't know who you are anymore- she needs you to be strong. She would have wanted that. Be strong."  
Jace looked up. His eyes were broken and his lips trembled  
"I don't know how."_

ooo

Clary moved to the water, picking up her pace as she walked. The closer she got, the colder she felt and the winds licking the icy surface of the lake rolled of her neck in sheets. Now, she stood directly at the shore, and she could see her reflection on the ice like a mirror.  
Her hair was disheveled and it curled sweaty around her forehead.  
Her chest moved up and down tiredly as she exhaled  
But her eyes gleamed hopefully and it surprised her.  
_Why are you so confident Clary? Do you actually think you might succeed? Because if so, you are truly the one with the wild imagination.  
_A voice whispered humorlessly in her ears and she shut her mouth tightly to ignore it  
_I will believe in myself. I will do as best as I can because it is the only thing that I can do_

She leaned down and pressed her palm along the ice, shutting her eyes and letting the frosty chill spread from the tips of here fingers into the internal flame of her heart.  
_I want to raise an Angel. I want to raise an angel, how do I raise an angel?  
_

_Think Clary.  
_She could see her mother in front of her as she painted, her long, auburn hair clipped to the base of her neck. She watched with childlike fascination as Jocelyn's brush glided along the canvas, swirling as the soft images formed.  
She concentrated harder.  
Her mother drawing an angel, drawing an angel over Lake Lyn.  
And the image peaked out from under the memories so life-like that it seemed real, like it had actually happened. Her mother next to the large attic window, her eyes half shut and her lips curling into a peaceful smile. Her wrist flicking back and forth, rolling the pencil expertly between her fingers. Her mother as she smeared the charcoal along the edges of the parchment, her mother as she wiped her palms against her apron and held out the image to Clary, satisfied with her creation. She could see the sharp folds of the angel's wings, the light that leaked out from the angel's eyes and framed his mighty outline, so it became a figure of fire.

And then the lines cleared further and the cracks between the dark spaces sharpened, pulling towards one another like ink soaking through a cloth.  
They touched at their necks and the final image glared in her mind.  
Quickly, before it faded, Clary pulled Jace's stele out from her jacket pocket and traced the pattern on the ice, hoping against hope that it would work.

ooo

_The sun had begun to rise by the time Jace finally let Maryse lead him home. He had never felt as exhausted the way he did then. His legs dragged behind them and his breathe felt short as he exhaled. He had looked for HOURS. He had looked everywhere. He ran down every single alley, he checked every single bench.  
But she was gone.  
She was really gone_

_As the lack of sleep began to play with his mind, he felt himself questioning the last few years.  
Did he ever even meet Clary? Did he ever even fall in love?  
Because it all felt like a dream, like something that happened to someone else.  
And how do you prove something was real anyway? Because if it never happened in Clary's eyes, then who's to say it happened in Jace's?_

_But he knew.  
He knew it.  
He knew it even though he bitterly wished he didn't  
She happened.  
They happened.  
She had come and she had left, she had loved him and she had left him.  
But perhaps that was precisely why he needed to remember, perhaps that was precisely why he would never able to forget.  
It was the only way to keep her alive.  
It was the only way to keep her, Clarissa Fairchild, as a person and as a shadowhunter, from fading off the surface of the earth.  
I'll keep you alive Clary. I'll make sure you'll live on even if it's the last thing I do_

_When he arrived at the institute the first person he saw was Simon.  
Simon, Clary's childhood best friend.  
Simon now alone with no family and no remnant of his happy past._

"_Where is she Jace? Where is she? What happened?" he asked- his voice shaking, gripping Jace's arms.  
Jace shook his head, unable to open his mouth  
"She's gone."  
"Gone?! Gone, well where did she go?"  
"They took her. From us, from this world."  
Simon's eyes glazed over as he backed away in shock  
"Go get her, Jace. We need to get her. Where's she gonna go? What's she gonna do, why are we standing here- we need to go!"  
It was Maryse who now took Simon by his shoulder.  
"You can't" She whispered sadly  
"It's the angels will. You need to let her go."_

ooo

The rune glimmered for a moment.  
It was awfully silent; the water didn't whisper, the leaves hovered over the lake frozen mid-fall from their uptight trees.  
Clary rose from her knees, combing her fingers through her knotty hair and watched the golden mark on the faded lake.  
Whether she was expecting Raziel to pop out from under the night clouds, or for the rune to simply _disappear, _the reaction she received was completely unexpected.

Thousand of tiny golden strands curled out from the sides of the lake, from the gentle cracks in the ice, snaking along the glass water until they met the growing rune at the base of her feet.  
She took a step back nervously and pulled out her blade from her boot.  
But the lines kept spiraling, kept twirling like dancers along the frozen water until the Lake shone golden- so bright that she covered her eyes with her free hand.

It was still for a moment.  
Clary let a long breathe

Then she heard it.  
Crack after crack, millions of fissures breaking in the ice, thousands of shards as they rapidly began to sink to the bottom.  
The golden roof exploded like fireworks, reaching a fiery hand towards the dark sky.

And then, from the depths of Lake Lyn, Raziel rose.  
His wings broke free from the surface and the angel was so_ perfect_\- that it physically stung a hole in her chest. He was silver and he was gold, he was fire and he was water, he was the beauty in the little things but he was the beauty that was so painfully real, she couldn't bear to look at him.

He then spoke without opening his mouth, with his lips still sharply sealed. She felt the words slide into her mind and she heard the voice that whispered them. A voice that was equally beautiful as it was horrible. A voice that was pure and angelic but also dark and dangerous, and it felt like lava spilling in her ears.  
"You are playing a dangerous game Clarissa Fairchild."

ooo

Jace opened his eyes. He was still in the living hall. Simon and Izzy still sat across from him, holding one another, their eyes closed and Izzy sniffling occasionally.  
The spot next to him was still empty.  
Clary was still gone.

_It's always us, isn't it._ He thought bitterly _Everyone gets happiness and we just get heartbreak. Time after time, one after another, when does it stop?  
_

"Jace." Izzy said, sitting upright and detangling herself from Simon's embrace. "We thought you fell asleep."

He wished he had.  
He wished he could.

"I was just thinking. Just...remembering."  
Izzy looked down at her hands.

"About last year, aren't you?"

Jace didn't answer and Izzy continued, trying to meet his eyes.  
"This isn't the same thing, Jace. It's not."

He breathed through his nose slowly.  
She was right.  
Last time-everything was _permanent_. Clary was _gone, _she was really gone.  
This time she would come back to him.  
This time she would walk through the institute doors confidentially, knowing each and every person.  
This time they weren't helpless, they could do _something-_

_What am I DOING here?  
_

This time_ was _different_._  
It was not like Jace to sit around and wait for the world to become a better place. He had lost faith that that could happen on its own way too long ago. And now, he was more in control than he realized. He wouldn't let Clary march to her death, he wouldn't - he _couldn't. _She needed him and he needed her and maybe that was the danger in their relationship. Maybe it was the reason why they kept finding themselves back where they started. But it was beautiful too. The way they pulled towards each other, the way they survived off the other, the way they _loved _and _lived _together.

There were very few things that Jace ever loved in this world.  
He loved being a Shadowhunter.  
And he loved Clary.

And while once it might have been a difficult choice, it no longer was so. He knew which one he needed more, he knew which one mattered more - _he knew which one he could live without_.  
So he stood slowly from his recliner, ignoring Izzy as she sat up on the couch, her eyes searching his unsuccessfully.  
She wouldn't approve. She would tell him he was being too rash, she tell him to think it through.  
But he had thought it through. He had been thinking about it since he read Clary's letter last spring. Now he just made his decision. Now he just knew that the time had come to commit to his choice.  
So what was the point in pushing it off further?

ooo

Clary stood straighter and leveled her gaze. His eyes burned a whole in her head and she had a strange desire to fall to the rocky shore and take a nice, long nap. But she ignored it.  
"I have come to ask for your forgiveness."

The angel was silent above her and she was forced to look up again.  
"I had a feeling you would." The voice whispered, the soft notes filling the cold ache in her chest while simultaneously cracking her core to thousands of little pieces.  
"And I suppose you think you deserve forgiveness?"  
She didn't know what to say.  
The truth was she did think so,  
"I...think I've earned forgiveness. I-I have sacrificed so much and-"  
"Sacrifice does not mean anything. Sacrifice is a part of shadowhunter life, _sacrifice-_ is something you took far too long to understand."  
"But I have-"  
Anger radiated of the angel and she backed up nervously.  
"You _have_ done what a Shadowhunter is _supposed_ to do. That doesn't repent for your sins, Clarissa. You are foolish to come her, foolish to summon me from my slumber, and even more foolish to try to sneak your way back into the world you were very clearly banned from. Leave. Leave this world and return to your first one. Return to your home Clarissa."

Clary had never been an angry person.  
She gave up her seat to the elderly folk on the subway, she always gave her library books back on time, she held the door for the person after, and thanked the cashier at the register.  
But now, anger coiled in the depths of her stomach. Sharp and untamed and she felt it as it grew, bubbling to the surface until it soaked into her lungs and each breathe was spitting fire.

"Home?! Home?! Is that some joke? I DON'T HAVE A HOME ANYMORE! YOU TOOK THAT FROM ME! "

Raziel's sharp breathe pierced her ears and she winced painfully.  
"You build a new one. You make a home for yourself, you make a world for yourself. Even if it is out of the small scraps you have left."

"You don't understand it do, you? I lost everything. I lost everything! My father- I killed on this very shore to save the people around me. I KILLED MY FATHER!  
My mother! I FOUND MY MOTHER DEAD! DEAD ON MY BEDROOM FLOOR, KILLED BY ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS JUST DAYS- DAYS AFTER I GOT HER BACK! And my brother-"

Just as quickly as it came, the anger melted and when it resurfaced it resurfaced as a thick wave of _pain._ Pure pain that bit at her insides until the tears she promised wouldn't spill, poured from her eyes and ran down her cheeks like wax

"My brother." she whispered "I killed my brother. And he might have been evil, he might have done horrible, horrible things... but he was my _brother._ I loved him -and I killed him. "  
Her voice trembled and she covered her eyes ashamed of her tears

And then again, the suffocating anger burst out and she felt it as it ripped apart her insides begging, begging her to _L__et. It. Go._

"And for what? To be punished. To be taken away from the last few things I had left. To be taken away from the family I worked so hard to make for myself. To be left in the streets like a newborn baby, with no sense of direction, no clue as to what to do next. That was what I got. _Nothing._ I sacrificed everything I had to sacrifice and the one thing I had left- the one thing I was able to pride myself in- my _identity_, I didn't even have that anymore. You took that from me. You took my family, but you took my home and you took my love and you took everything that made me _me_."

"Clarissa-"  
But she wouldn't be stopped. Not now, not when the pent up emotions were finally flying free, not now.

"I had no one. I had never been that alone in my life. To wake up, and nobody cared that you were awake? To go to sleep, and no one even knows the difference? I had no one but I also became _no one. _I was - _I was nobody._"

The angel was silent above her for a moment  
"You did the right thing. You did what you were supposed to do."  
"But that wasn't enough,wasn't it? It never will be."

and then in a voice so broken, so _soft_, that if had not been the angels, the words would have practically been unspoken  
"How many times do I have to save this world?"

ooo

He walked down to his room, his heart pounded loudly throughout the hallway and he wondered if the others could hear it too.

He opened the door and sat down slowly on his bed.  
The sheets were still untamed, and Clary's dress still sat shoved in the corner of his room. The air was thin and it smelled of books, and sweat, and paint.  
He closed his eyes.  
How badly he wished she was lying beside him.  
How badly he wished he could open his eyes and find Clary asleep, dreams flickering behind her eyelids, her lips ticking with a gentle smile.

But she wasn't.  
And that was the harsh reality.

He stood, smoothing out his pants with sweaty palms and walked briskly towards his dresser. He opened the top shelf, pulling out four gleaming blades and tucked them carefully in his leather belt and the crevices of his boots.  
He was just about ready to turn and exit it the room, when something caught his eye.  
A velvet box at the bottom of his shelf.  
He stared at it for a moment painfully.  
And then the fire in his eyes burned bright, his mind made.  
With one swift motion, so fast it was almost naked to the human eye, Jace pulled the box and shoved it down in the pocket of his pants.

He walked quickly to the large wooden door and looked at his room one last time. The high ceiling, the white, white walls, the unmade bed and the clothes strewn along the floor  
"_I'll be back soon." _He whispered, mostly to himself "_And I won't be alone when I do."  
_

ooo

"Your powers were abused. It was dangerous."  
The words filtered in her mind

"How was it dangerous?I was complying to the angel's will, I was using the gift that-" And then she understood. She could read the words between his lines like they were highlighted, like they were being said outright.  
"You think I was a threat to the rest of the Shadowhunters."

The angel lifted his eyes and she was momentarily frozen still by his beauty. For the first time, she understood why that type of beauty was unheard of. It was frightening. It was terrible to look it, it made her feel like her brain was melting and her bones were melting and her skin and her eyes-

"The Nephilim are my children."

It was a shot at her heart.  
It was a stab at her chest.  
She took a step back, realization painfully clear in her green eyes.

"But not me."  
She nodded and the tears trailed behind her ears.  
"I am not your child. I am nobody's child."

"I came to ask for forgiveness. To be pardoned, to be able to become a shadowhunter again. But your mind was already made up. There was nothing I could ever do anyway."

ooo

Jace landed on both feet. His hair was windblown for the portal's magic and it dangled over his eyes. Somewhat west of where he stood, he could see a fiery figure looming over the trees, and it contrasted brightly against the dark sky.  
He looked in fascination  
She had really done it.  
She had really summoned the angel.

And while fear was his most prominent emotion, pride flooded his viens and he couldn't help but shake his head in admiration.  
_Of course she had succeeded. She could do almost anything when she put her mind to it.  
_  
But still,  
the clock was ticking.  
He felt it in the unusual silence of the birds and the bugs, he felt it in the leaves that cease to blow despite the heavy winds. The angel was not going to sit and have a conversation with Clary and he did not want to find out what happened when Raziel ran out of tolerance.

ooo

"But you know what?" she continued, her confidence growing, her back straightening and her eyes reaching, reaching, reaching to meet his.  
"it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter."  
She took a step closer to the lake and the logical voice in her head screamed at her that it was the wrong direction.  
Literally and figuratively.  
But she was no longer afraid.

"I'll always come back. I have angelic blood and I _am _apart of this world. All of this" she spread her arms "is _who I am_!"

He looked down at her and his eyes gleamed. But it wasn't anger. It was _pride. _And she couldn't understand why.  
"You are strong Clarissa. You have been through many hardships, and yet you rise. You rise and you thrive. You were never punished, you received natural consequences to your actions. But still here you stand. And it shouldn't be possible. You never needed forgiveness_._ Because it does not matter. Your love will always prevail, will it not?"

She was taken aback in shock "My love-?"

"You loved your father, despite his crimes. You loved your mother, even though she lied to you about who you were. You loved your brother even though he swore to tear down the world you built for yourself. You loved Jace Herondale even though you didn't understand it, even though you had forgotten who he was. That's why you are here. Your love- _is your power. _Not your angelic blood, not your rune ability, your _love_. _That's_ what makes you different, _that's_ what makes you _dangerous."_

"I lost everyone because I loved them? I lost everything because I loved it? I lost my identity because it was important to me, I lost the world I lived because I cherished it?!"

He smiled and it agonizingly beautiful  
"On the contrary, you got all that _back_ because you loved it. You can't lose it no matter how many times it's pulled out of your grasp because your love is too strong. It always will be. And it is clear to me now."

The world spun around her and she narrowed her eyes to focus on the angel's burning figure.  
"What are you saying?"  
The angel tilted his face towards the night sky, and he lifted his majestic wings upward.  
His shadow sprawled across the lake and then his mouth finally opened, the words slipping out from his pierced lips.  
"I think you already know."

ooo

_BOOM  
_

Jace froze in his tracks.  
_What was that?  
_Fear pounded in his heart and he raced through the shadows.  
And then he saw it.

The angel rising up up up from where he fell, a ball of heavenly fire, his bright wings flapping across the night skies as he slowly faded away.  
It was beautiful.  
But it was terrible.

_Clary.  
Shit.  
_  
He pulled out his blade and began to run, weaving between the trees and the branches, up the glass hills, and over the bones.  
His mind going into overdrive, he had no idea which direction he was heading in but he knew he wasn't wrong. His adrenaline was singing her name, his mind was singing in her voice and his heart was pulsing through the thin material of his shirt.

_Please let her be alright. Please, please, please._

The trees cleared before him and he was standing on the grassy shore. Familiarity rang in his ears and he winced painfully at its cold breathe.  
That's where he died.  
That was where he saw the world fade from his eyes until it was one silent image of a redhead girl staring at the fading shadow where a blonde boy just stood.  
That's where it all went downhill, because then he was exposed to Lilith and then Clary was linked to Jonathan and then she was taken away from him and their world.  
But that was life. It was trials and tribulation, it was pain and heartbreak but it was happiness and beauty.  
And he wouldn't trade it for anything.  
Except, of course, for Clary.

ooo

Clary stood by the lake in numb shock.  
She didn't know what to think, she hardly understood anything that had just happened.  
_Am I...free? Am I...back?_

"Clary!"  
She heard Jace's voice call out and she shook her head as if to clear the hallucination.  
"Clary!"  
But it was real.  
She could tell it was real, not even her imagination could conjure such an accurate depiction of his voice.

"Jace?"

And then she saw him. _  
_He pushed his way out of the trees and he stood across the from her, his eyes fire and his face and his hair.  
And in every way possible, he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.  
Because he was_ real_.  
The angel was unattainable, it wasn't understandable, it was distant and it was cold.  
But here, as she looked at Jace she saw him as the boy he had been and the man he now was. She saw him as the lover he promised he couldn't be and the lover he had become.  
She saw his authenticity and she saw the emotions clear in his eyes as he looked at her- and she realized then she knew _exactly _what the angel meant.

o

"Hi."  
He whispered and his voice filled up all the space on the Earth.  
She smiled up at him gently and he wanted to fall into her arms.

"How are you- how are you here?"  
"I got Magnus to portal me in. Took some convincing but... "

She touched his face in wonder but there was something strange on her eyes and it brought him back to reality.  
A little at least

"Clary I- I thought about it a lot. And I know you won't agree, you'll think it's ridiculous but- I made up my mind. "  
He shut his eyes.  
He was comfortable about his decision but it still hurt.  
"I choose you."

There was an intake of breathe and he opened his eyes.  
"What do you -"  
"I need you Clary. If you are leaving again, if Raziel told you that you need to go back to the mundane world, then I'm coming."  
"Jace-"  
"I Know, it sounds crazy and I- being a shadowhunter is one of the best things that ever happened to me. It is and I love this world so much. But Clary, I love you that much more. I need you more, you are the single best thing that's ever happened to me and I wont, I won't ever give up on us. You hear me? I need you the most."  
"Jace."  
He looked down at her, her eyes sparkling with tears.  
"It won't come to that."

There was a moment of silence.

"What do you mean?"  
She laughed and she sniffled, holding his face in her hands lovingly  
"I'm free, Jace." She whispered "I'm a shadowhunter."  
"you... what?"  
"I'm back. For good, I'm back and I'm never leaving you again."  
"you're back."  
She nodded and she laughed, her eyes soaring like birds.  
"You're really back? This isn't some joke, you're really mine again?"

She grinned happily and he pulled her towards her, burying his head in her red hair, holding on to her for dear life. He twirled her around the grassy field and her laugh was music to his ears.  
Suddenly, he could feel the box weighing down in his pocket.  
He had almost forgotten.  
"Clary" he whispered, pulling away from her slowly.  
"yeah?"

He looked down at her.  
Her hair piling over her shoulder, her eyes alight with thousands of multicolored dreams.  
Jace knew how much he had changed in the last few years, he knew it because he could _feel_ it. He could _feel_ the change of heart, the change of mindset. He could feel the difference in the way he approached a situation, he could feel the difference in the way he approached a challenge.  
And he owed it all to her. He owed everything to her. His heart and his soul. His mind and dreams.  
He didn't know what life entailed for the two of them. He didn't know what was next, he didn't know which demon he would be forced to encounter in the times to come, all he knew was he wanted her by his side when he did.

She giggled in his ears and he smiled wide, his eyes on fire.  
_This is the sound of chapters closing  
This is the sound of new ones beginning_

"Marry me."

* * *

***Original characters property of Cassandra Clare**


End file.
